


Baeksoo: Wings AU

by Practicemakesperfect



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Other ships to be tagged when developed, Reincarnation, Slight Humor, Slow Burn, multiple POVs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-07-21 05:06:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19996345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Practicemakesperfect/pseuds/Practicemakesperfect
Summary: Baeksoo: Wings AU. When Baekhyun gets caught in a fatal car accident on his way home from work, he doesn't expect to wake up to an Angel telling him he gets another shot at life... and another shot with the person he loves.





	1. Hello, Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun dies in a car crash and meets an unlikely ally...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I would do anything if I could be with you forever”

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Baekhyun curses at the pain in his legs and chest, closing his eyes against the bright headlights of the other car. His head is pulsing. He’s upside down; the blood is rushing to his eyes and everything _fucking hurts._

His phone. Where is his phone? He could call 911, get help, but his phone is nowhere to be seen. Shit, everything hurts. Please, just stop making everything hurt.

His mind flashes to Kyungsoo waiting for him back home. What would he say if he knew Baekhyun had been in an accident? He’d probably fight the drunk ass that did this to him. Or maybe he’d give Baekhyun painkillers and drag him out of this mess. Either way, he would do something to make Baekhyun feel better, and Baekhyun finds himself really, _really_ wishing Kyungsoo were there with him. “Deep breaths,” he would have told him. “You’re going to be okay.”

Except Baekhyun knows he isn’t going to be okay. Not, at least, unless someone pulls him from the car. But his legs are crushed under the metal--he can’t move. Everytime he tries he feels like he’s pulling himself apart.

Above him… below him glass litters the floor, shards mixed with his blood. He can feel warmth matting his hair, and the idea that he’s bleeding makes him dizzier with anxiety. Suddenly, he feels like he can’t breathe.

“Calm down,” Kyungsoo’s voice says. So Baekhyun is already delusional. “You can get out of this. Just calm down and think clearly.”

“Easy for you to say,” Baekhyun answers out loud, then realizes he might actually be going crazy. His eyes track the ground, following the shards and blood to another liquid. His nose picks up the familiar pungent smell of gas.

“Oh, god. Oh, god, please no.”

Sirens interrupt his moment of horror and Baekhyun sees the flashing colors against the glass on the ground. Please, he thinks. He tries to move and cries out as he does, his legs pinning him in place. _Please._

And that’s the last thing Baekhyun thinks before his world bursts into flames.

…

Scenes flash before his eyes. 

Him, young, learning how to bike with his father on a camping trip, his mother clapping as he finally finds his balance.  
A backyard party, barbecue and Baekhyun’s friends, roasting marshmallows over the fire and playing board games together.

Baekhyun and Jongdae playing video games. Their first high school choir concert together. Sleepless nights where Baekhyun stays up studying late for finals. High school graduation. Freshman orientation. Bus rides and keyboards and printers that never work and--

Him.

Kyungsoo, and the first day they met. Kyungsoo, and their first date, first trip, first kiss.

“I’ll be home soon.”

Then: fire.

Then: pain.

Then:

Silence.

...  
...  
...

Baekhyun wakes up.

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing Baekhyun hears when his eyes open. He turns towards the sound and sees…

Baekhyun chokes. “You… there’s…”

“Wings on my back. Yeah. Nice to meet you, Baekhyun. I’m your post-advisor, Xiumin.”

“What? What’s going on? Am I…”

Xiumin clears his throat, waving his hand with a flourish. A scroll appears in his hand, promptly unraveling itself. “Byun Baekhyun, age 26. Birth date: May 6, 1992. Death date: January 4, 2018.”

“Death date? You can’t be serious.”

“Do these wings look like a joke to you?”

Baekhyun closes his eyes. He can’t argue with that one. “January 4…” the taste is bitter in his mouth. Eight days before Kyungsoo’s birthday. Eight days before Baekhyun was going to propose.

“Wait.” Baekhyun opens his eyes again and sits up. The room he’s in is white-- _everything_ is white; the bed, the pillows, the walls, the door. Even Baekhyun and the mysterious angel-dude is dressed in white. The only splash of color seems to be Angel-dude’s bright, pink hair. “Why did you say ‘I’m sorry’ when I woke up?”

Xiumin smiles sheepishly. “Well… you see, when someone dies we usually fill out a reincarnation packet for them, and… I might have screwed yours up.”

Baekhyun is afraid to ask, but he does anyway. “...what did you do?”

“I put you in the same life. Again. I’m sorry. I’m kind of still new to this, and anyway they put the checkboxes so close to each other and I accidentally…” 

Baekhyun stops listening. All he can think about is what this means. “I can see Kyungsoo again?”

Xiumin startles from his rant and nods. “Yeah, you can. But you start from the beginning and you don’t remember anything. There’s no guarantee things will end up the same way, since new lives are usually influenced by their older ones. You might not make the same decisions you did in this life. You might not even meet Kyungsoo.”

“Then give me my memories,” Baekhyun says. “You have that kind of power, right? I mean, you have wings.”

“That’s kind of… against the rules.”

“But you can do it.”

Xiumin bites his lip, and Baekhyun thinks again about how jarring the color of his hair is against the backdrop of white. “I can do it,” Xiumin confirms.

“Then do it. You owe me. You messed up my papers.”

“But you want to see Kyungsoo again!”

“Only because you didn’t reincarnate me like you should have,” Baekhyun shoots back. Xiumin looks nervous.

“You won’t tell the higher-ups, right? I’ll get cut before I even get a chance to start.”

Baekhyun isn’t even sure how he would do that, but he doesn’t care. If it’ll convince the dude to increase the chances of him meeting Kyungsoo, then he’ll bluff his way to hell. “I’ll tell them if you don’t let me keep my memories.” Then, after a moment of thinking: “Also, skip all the high school stuff.” He shudders. “I can’t relive that again.”

“Well…” Xiumin looks like he’s doing calculations in his head. “I might be able to pull a few strings…”

“Good.”

“...but no guarantees, okay? I’m still a rookie. It’s hard enough as it is to get into the file room, much less alter something.”

“Better than nothing,” Baekhyun shrugs. “So how does this work?”

“Try and go to sleep,” Xiumin answers. “When you wake up, you should be alive again.”

 _Alive again._ “Great. Then… uh… good night.”

“Good night, Baekhyun.” There’s a brief moment of silence before Xiumin says, “good luck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if anything is confusing. I rushed to put this one together before I go to sleep so that it's posted before I leave this morning, so yah as always it ain't edited. BUT I'm hoping you guys enjoyed it nonetheless. 
> 
> Still, I'm sad I'm leaving you guys on such a Kyungsoo-less note. Let's hope the next chapter has more of the squish! Until next time :)


	2. Everything’s just gonna be fine...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xiumin learns of a shocking new development. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo takes a shower lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There will be mentions of suicide from here on out. Read at your own risk.
> 
> Title taken from a lyric from EXO’s “Stronger.” Enjoy :)

Xiumin is nervous when Junmyeon calls to meet him so soon after he’s sent Baekhyun off. Even though Junmyeon is an angel just like him, not a superior, he could still rat him out if he knew. Which is why Xiumin does his best to look as unassuming as possible when he walks up to Junmyeon’s cubicle and says, “Hi, you called?”

Junmyeon’s face is serious, and Xiumin is instantly alert. He doesn’t put on that expression unless something really bad is going on. _Please don’t be about Baekhyun. Please don’t be about Baekhyun. Please don’t be—_

“I wanted to talk to you about your new link,” Junmyeon says, and Xiumin’s heart sinks. Junmyeon stands. “Take a walk with me.”

“Okay,” Xiumin squeaks. He shuffles behind Junmyeon as they walk out the doors of the office into the empty hallway.

“Listen. I overheard your conversation with Baekhyun. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” Junmyeon says as an afterthought when he sees Xiumin’s reaction. “I just wanted to suggest... an additional course of action.”

“‘Additional course of action?’” Xiumin is confused. What could he be suggesting? “Why aren’t you reporting me?”

“Because I need your help,” Junmyeon responds.

“Help?” Xiumin doesn’t understand. Junmyeon has been doing this for years... he’s bonded to Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo is an older soul compared to Baekhyun, which means Junmyeon has more experience than Xiumin. The idea that Junmyeon would need help from a rookie like Xiumin doesn’t make any sense to him. “What do you need my help with?”

For a moment, Junmyeon doesn’t say anything. And then he gives in: “Kyungsoo is going to commit suicide.”

Xiumin balks. “What? But he would never—“

“I’ve never seen Kyungsoo like this in any of his reincarnations. It’s going to happen whether we like it or not. Unless...”

They stare at each other for a moment. “Yeah, I don’t know what you’re going to say,” Xiumin finally says. “You’re going to need to spell it out for me.”

Junmyeon sighs. “Can’t you humor me and at least _try_ to be a little more dramatic? Anyway, we need to... circumvent some rules.”

Xiumin looks around, then lowers his voice. “I already did that, Junmyeon. Any more and I’ll probably get caught and get in trouble. You know how it is; I’m finished if they find out I messed up Baekhyun’s papers _and_ gave him his memory. And then breaking more rules on top of that? I can’t risk it.”

“Come on,” Junmyeon says, and his voice is pleading. “I’m linked to Kyungsoo. I can’t just watch him suffer like this. We can save him. We can save _them_.”

The idea is tempting. It’s not like Xiumin _wants_ to see Baekhyun suffer. But he can only do so much before the risk outweighs the reward. After all, if he gets in trouble and another angel is assigned to Baekhyun, they’ll most definitely file to fix it. And then Baekhyun will never see Kyungsoo again, and everything could end up worse than it is now.

“I know you’re worried,” Junmyeon says, as if he’s read Xiumin’s thoughts. “But I’ve been assigned for a long time. Believe me when I say they won’t even notice. As long as none of the other angels notice, it should be fine.”

Xiumin sighs and runs a hand through his hair, tilting his head. “Okay, fine. Let’s hear it. What do you propose?”

***

Jongdae is sweating by the time he makes the climb up to Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s apartment, having had to climb the stairs because the elevator was broken. He’d called not too long ago to let Kyungsoo know he was coming, but there had been no response, and it was making Jongdae worried. So he’d decided to go anyway and see what was up.

The door is unlocked when Jongdae gets to it, and he feels the worry in his stomach increase tenfold. “Kyungsoo?”

No reply. Jongdae steps inside and locks the door behind him. 

The apartment is clean, is Jongdae’s first note. The last time he was here it was messy; Baekhyun’s stuff littered the living room as it always does. Always did.

Again, Jongdae feels the burn of loss and breathes out slowly, trying to keep it together. He can’t be upset here. Back at home, maybe. But not here.

Jongdae looks around. It’s so clean that there doesn’t seem to be a trace of anyone living here... neither Baekhyun nor Kyungsoo. It’s unsettling. “Kyungsoo,” he tries again. When there is still no response, Jongdae walks down the hall and knocks on the door to the bedroom, opening it.

There is no one in sight.

“What are you doing?” Jongdae jumps at the sound of Kyungsoo’s voice behind him and turns.

Kyungsoo looks... fine. His hair is wet from the shower, and his glasses are foggy from the heat. His look is one of his usual judging gaze, and it’s so familiar that for a moment Jongdae is able to forget that anything was ever wrong. But that moment of normalcy passed. Baekhyun isn’t here anymore. That’s his new reality.

“Hey,” Jongdae says. His voice is soft. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“That’s nice of you.” Kyungsoo smiles, and Jongdae thinks about how emotionless he seemed, for a moment. “I’m doing okay. Thanks for coming.” Kyungsoo dries his hair with the towel around his neck. “How are you?”

Jongdae looks away, swallows. “It’s... shocking,” Jongdae admits. “Hard.”

Kyungsoo pauses in his drying to look at him for a moment. “That’s a normal thing to feel. He was your best friend."

 _He was yours, too,_ thinks Jongdae. It's weird how calm Kyungsoo is right now. It makes Jongdae even more worried. Even more sad.

"Kyungsoo," Jongdae says. He holds out a small stack of papers. "What is this?”

Silently, Kyungsoo takes it. He glances at it for a moment before he hands it back. “It’s Baekhyun’s will.”

“Why did you give it to me?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t even try to deny it. “Because he said he wanted the executor of his will to be you.”

“He appointed me as the alternate executor. You’re his first.”

“If I’m willing,” Kyungsoo says quietly. And Jongdae suddenly gets it.

“Oh,” he says. His arm falls to his side. “Okay. I’ll handle everything, Kyungsoo. Don’t worry.” 

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo smiles again. “And thank you.”

Jongdae opens his mouth to say something, but a ring at the doorbell startles him into silence. They stare at each other.

“I’ll get it,” Jongdae finally says. Kyungsoo nods. He walks past Kyungsoo back to the front door and peers through the peephole. No one is there. “It’s no one...?” Jongdae calls, but he trails off when he opens the door to find a package. There’s no return address. All it says is Kyungsoo’s name, handwritten with script he knows too well.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongdae says, returning to the younger. Kyungsoo looks up from where he sits on the bed. “It’s a package for you. It’s from Baekhyun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! That’s the end for this chapter. Again, let me know if anything seems unreasonably confusing and I’ll answer with either an explanation or a mysterious “we’ll see...”
> 
> Or let me know if the formatting is confusing or could be better. We’re flipping between a lot of different perspectives right now. Anyway. Until next time! Thank you for reading <3


	3. Sweet lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun wakes up in the past. Kyungsoo is stuck there, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “If you close your eyes and want me  
> Even if it’s a lie, I’ll make you happy  
> With the sweetest lie in the world  
> I tell you  
> Sweet lies, sweet lies...”

Baekhyun wakes up in a car.

Instantly, he feels himself freeze up. His heart starts thudding in his chest. Everything narrows to him and the road in front of him, the cars in front of him. He can’t breathe. All of a sudden he’s back in the fire, burning... burning...

A voice pulls him from the road. “Baekhyun? You alright?”

Jongdae. Baekhyun turns and blinks.

Jongdae is with him, in the car, driving. He’s in the seat next to him. Baekhyun must have fallen asleep.

“Was I dreaming?” Baekhyun wonders out loud. 

Jongdae looks at him funny. “What do you mean?”

“Where are we going?” Baekhyun sits up in the seat, massaging his elbow where he was resting it on the door. 

“You’re really starting to worry me.” They’re at a red light. Jongdae turns to examine Baekhyun. “We’re going to the University.”

Baekhyun chokes. “What? What year is it?”

“Stop being so dramatic. I know it’s crazy that we’re already college freshman, but—“

“Oh my god.” Baekhyun stares in horror at the phone he’s just produced from his back pocket. “It’s the shitty Android I had for, like, four years in high school.”

“Okay. What’s going on?”

Baekhyun almost faints when he checks the date. “It’s 2010? Really? I’m going crazy. _Jongdae._ ”

“ _What?_ ”

And that’s all he needs before Baekhyun blurts out everything that happened. His death, his after death, and how he went back to the past.

Jongdae blinks and pulls over, turning to look at Baekhyun. “Say it one more time. The summarized version.”

“I died in a car crash and we all have angels and mine let me go back in time to meet Kyungsoo again.”

Jongdae stares at him. “You really aren’t lying.”

“You believe me?”

“I don’t know. I just know you aren’t lying.” He pauses. “Who the fuck is Kyungsoo?”

“He’s...” Baekhyun coughs, his face turning red. “He’s my boyfriend in the future. I was supposed to propose to him before... you know.”

Jongdae shakes his head slowly, as if he’s trying to absorb all this information. “Wow. And here I thought you were straight.”

“Oh my god Jongdae... that’s such an old joke.” Baekhyun almost cries. “I can’t believe this is really happening.”

“That’s our future inside joke?” Jongdae demands. “I was being serious.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right.” Before Kyungsoo, Baekhyun had dated exclusively girls. The way that joke started was when Baekhyun told Jongdae he had a crush on Kyungsoo and he responded with that. It became their natural response any time they did anything remotely gay in front of each other (i.e. Baekhyun kisses Kyungsoo. Jongdae + sarcasm: “Wow, and here I thought you were straight.”) Yeah, it didn’t make a lot of sense, but then they were weird people in general.

“Okay. So if you’re really from the future...”

“Ask away.”

“...how single am I when we’re 26?”

Baekhyun smiles. “The most unsingle you can be. You were engaged when I died.”

Jongdae whistles. “Damn. Wonder who the lucky guy is. But also, I feel bad for the other Me. You died before I got married.”

Baekhyun feels a sudden surge of sadness and nods. “Yeah, I did.”

Jongdae is silent for a moment. “Did it hurt?”

Baekhyun grins. “When I fell from heaven?”

“Please stop. I meant: Did it hurt to die?”

“It did.”

Jongdae nods. “Okay. I guess that’s all I want to know.”

“That’s it? Really? You don’t even want to know who the guy you end up with is?”

“It doesn’t matter to me. As long as I end up happy.”

“Hm.” That’s definitely something for Baekhyun to think about. “Can you fill me in? It’s been a long time since now.”

“Why does it feel like you’re testing me?” Jongdae mutters. He looks left and merges back into the road. “We went to prom, we graduated, we got into the same Uni, we’re going to our dorms now. That’s it.”

“Oh, god, prom.” Baekhyun shudders. “That was a nightmare.”

“Hey, it was an adventure.”

“I got punch splashed all over me.”

“That’s because you were being a dick.”

“But she cheated on me...?”

Jongdae shrugs and Baekhyun laughs. He looks out the window where the trees are passing by. “You really haven’t changed a bit.”

Jongdae hums. The two of them sit in silence for a while, before Jongdae says, “It’s not like I don’t want to believe you, but...”

“Yeah. It is a crazy situation. Actually, now that I’m here it’s like... I’m not sure if it happened anymore. Except that this already happened. I know I already graduated college. Nothing makes sense to me anymore.”

“I can tell you’re serious,” Jongdae says. “That’s what’s making me question common sense.” He laughs. “Maybe we’re both crazy.”

“Maybe.” Baekhyun leans his head against the window. “I hope not. That means Kyungsoo didn’t actually exist.” Suddenly, he’s scared. “Oh, god, Jongdae. What if he doesn’t exist?”

“Calm down, I’m sure...I’m sure he does.”

Baekhyun closes his eyes and sighs. “I wish I could prove it somehow. I don’t know. If I could remember this far back I’d predict the future and prove it, but I only remember bits and pieces.”

“That sounds like you,” Jongdae laughs. “It’s fine, Baekhyun. I... I believe you. I think. I’m sure it isn’t in your head.”

Baekhyun isn’t sure if Jongdae is just saying it to make him feel better or if he actually believes, but either way Baekhyun is grateful. 

“Go back to sleep,” Jongdae says. “I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

“Okay.” Baekhyun feels his stomach churn with nerves. _Calm down. It’s okay._ He closes his eyes and waits for sleep.

***

Tick.  
Tock.  
Tick.  
Tock.

The clock is the only constant in Kyungsoo’s life. Wake up at six. Clean the house. Go to work. Come back. Clean again. Try to go to sleep. Rinse, repeat.

It’s steady. It keeps Kyungsoo sane. Sometimes he eats, sometimes he doesn’t. But at least his mornings are the same. At least most of it is the same.

Kyungsoo comes home to this ticking. It’s the only sound left.

At 6:00 someone calls. Chanyeol or Jongdae or someone’s parents, checking to make sure Kyungsoo is okay. By 7:00 it’s back to silence.

The clock continues to tick.

Right on time, Kyungsoo’s phone rings. It’s Chanyeol. Kyungsoo lets it ring up to the recording, listens to Chanyeol say, “hey Kyungsoo, it’s Chanyeol. Just wanted to check on you...” before he gets up and picks up the phone.

“Hey, Chanyeol. Sorry for not picking up. I was busy.”

“Oh, no it’s no biggie. What were you doing?”

“Cleaning the bedroom,” Kyungsoo lies. He’s sitting in the kitchen, staring at the minute hand. 

“Need a hand? I can come by."

"No, thanks. I should be good. How’s Jongdae?”

Chanyeol lowers his voice. “He’s kind of not doing well. He cries every night... I think he doesn’t want me to know. Honestly, this whole thing hasn’t sunken in for me yet... I don’t know what else to do except be there.”

“That’s probably the best you can do,” Kyungsoo says. “Jongdae needs someone by his side. It’s good that he has you.” Kyungsoo winces when he realizes the irony of the statement, but if Chanyeol notices, he doesn’t say anything.

Instead Chanyeol says, “Speaking of... we were wondering if you wanted to stay with us for now. We don’t mind, really. We’d just have to clean up the extra room.”

“Hm.” Kyungsoo thinks about it for a moment, but he already knows what he’s going to say. “No, I think I want to stay here. Thank you, though. Both of you. Just make sure Jongdae is okay, alright? Baekhyun wouldn’t want him to be sad.”

“Same to you.” Chanyeol pauses. “He’s... I need to go, Kyungsoo. Sorry, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? And I don’t care what you say. I’m coming over to help.”

Before Kyungsoo can protest, Chanyeol hangs up.

Kyungsoo sighs. If he’s coming tomorrow, that means Kyungsoo actually has to start cleaning the room. He was going to do it, just not now. Not yet.

Kyungsoo gets up and puts the phone down. His cellphone is charging right now, which is probably why Chanyeol called the landline. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to admit that he waited for the recording to go off just to hear Baekhyun’s voice, but he also isn’t one to pretend. At least, he likes to think he isn’t.

Kyungsoo goes into their bedroom and starts organizing things. It’s quiet, careful work. He feels like he’s doing spring cleaning or something—folding and separating clothing, getting bags and stowing stuff away. Maybe he’ll donate Baekhyun’s clothes and give some of his stuff to relatives. Or maybe he’ll just give it to Baekhyun’s parents to take care of. Either way he puts them in bags, setting them off to the side.

He wonders what Baekhyun would think about the way he’s been acting. Would he be upset that Kyungsoo isn’t taking care of his will? Or would he understand? Kyungsoo feels his stomach clench when Baekhyun's face flashes through his head. He looks at the picture frames beside their bed that he stopped sleeping in, the picture frames that he put face down on the wood. He wonders if Jongdae noticed. He hopes he didn't.

He's cleaning out their closet when he sees it: the small box on the high shelf above their clothes, covered with stacks of their photo albums and books. Kyungsoo reaches on his tiptoes to get it out but slips, and everything falls on him. "Shit, ow."

Great. Everything's on the floor. Kyungsoo sighs and is bending down to start picking things up when something catches his eyes. A spiral notebook, with a date etched into the cover. Underneath it reads: _Freshman Year._ The messy scrawl is familiar—it’s Baekhyun’s.

Kyungsoo isn’t ready to go down memory lane. He knows this. Maybe he’ll never be ready. But the curiosity is itching at the back of his mind, and it’s enough to make him pick up the notebook to run his hand over the cover.

Maybe he shouldn’t have done this alone. Maybe he should have waited for Chanyeol. Maybe he should have taken his offer and left this apartment, where everything reminds him of Baekhyun. 

Kyungsoo closes his eyes and holds the notebook to his chest. It’s sudden, the constricting feeling there that makes it hard to breathe. He thinks he’s dying. He wishes he were dying.

“Baekhyun,” he chokes. Over and over and over again. _Baekhyun, Baekhyun, Baekhyun._ He can’t breathe. He collapses to the ground, on his knees, clutching at this notebook that was Baekhyun’s like it will bring him back, like anything will bring him back, like going to work and cleaning the house and acting like everything is okay will be enough and maybe, somehow, he’ll come back. He’s gasping by the end of it all. Everything hurts. Everything _fucking_ hurts.

“I’ll be home soon.”

_Liar._

Above their door, the clock moves steadily.

Tick.  
Tock.  
Tick.  
Tock.

Right on schedule, Kyungsoo gathers himself. Right on schedule, he gets up, neatly placing everything in stacks on the floor, and gets ready for bed.


	4. Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongdae and Baekhyun arrive. Xiumin realizes things might just be harder than they thought...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll search the universe  
> Until I can find you again...”

Jongdae backs into the parking spot and turns off the engine, glancing over to where Baekhyun leans against the window, fast asleep. He knows he's frowning, but he can't help it. Everything Baekhyun was saying... he doesn't know what to make of it. None of it makes sense. And yet Jongdae can't just dismiss it and say Baekhyun is just messing with him. He knows when Baekhyun is lying, and he couldn't question his gaze. 

That time, he was telling the truth. 

Baekhyun stirs in the seat and opens his eyes, looking around sleepily before he settles on Jongdae. For a strange moment, Jongdae feels the pang of loss. And then it passes, and Jongdae grins. "Morning, sleepy head."

"We're here," Baekhyun responds. It's a statement, not a question. 

"We're here," Jongdae confirms. He opens the door and steps out. "Come on, let's get our stuff."

Baekhyun groans and climbs out of the car, pausing to stretch while he watches Jongdae open the trunk and start putting things on the ground. "This is so surreal," Baekhyun murmurs as he comes to the back. Jongdae pauses.

"You're definitely from the future," he says. 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean: the Baekhyun I know doesn't even know what the word 'surreal' means."

"Hey! I wasn't _that_ bad."

Jongdae shrugs. "Could've fooled me. Come on, help me carry these. I don't want to have to come back down to carry more."

Baekhyun sighs. "You always were the kind of guy to only go one round."

"That's because doing it in two trips is annoying."

Baekhyun doesn't answer, because now he's too busy trying to balance stuff and open the door. "Hey, " a voice says behind him. "Need a hand?"

"Yes, _please._ " Baekhyun sighs with relief when the person steps by to open the door for them... and then almost drops everything in shock. The person in front of him is Chanyeol.

“Um...” Chanyeol smiles shyly. “Aren’t you going to go in?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Baekhyun swallows and steps past, then turns around to see Jongdae barely give Chanyeol a second glance. Baekhyun feels like he’s been thrown into a pool of ice water. There’s Chanyeol and Jongdae... and they aren’t interacting. It's unnatural. Not only that, but if Chanyeol is here, there’s the other thing too...

Baekhyun is dying to ask Chanyeol where Kyungsoo is, but he keeps it to himself even as Chanyeol goes through his introductory spiel. Eventually, though, it becomes too much to handle, and Baekhyun manages, “did you come here alone?”

Chanyeol shakes his head. “No, I came here with my friend, but I think he’s checking the other dorms.”

Jongdae glances at Baekhyun and seems to connect the dots. “Your friend?”

“Yeah, Kyungsoo.”

Both Baekhyun and Jongdae freeze at the sound of Kyungsoo’s name. Chanyeol pauses at the elevator, looking confused. “Well,” says Jongdae. “You’ve convinced me.”

“Yeah...” Baekhyun nods slowly.

“Uh... do you guys know him or something?”

“Not at all,” Jongdae replies coolly. He steps into the elevator with Chanyeol. Baekhyun follows suit, dazed. Kyungsoo really is here. He really is here.

Chanyeol quickly starts another conversation in the elevator with them, but Baekhyun isn’t listening. All he can think about is that he’s so close. He can see Kyungsoo again. Everything will be okay. 

“Well,” says Jongdae finally. “We’ll be off to look for our dorms, so... it was nice meeting you.”

Chanyeol grins. “Nice to see you, too. Let me know if you guys need anything. Neighbors should help neighbors, you know?”

“Sounds good.” Jongdae grabs Baekhyun by the arm and pulls. “Chanyeol, you’re not coming out?”

Chanyeol shakes his head. “Nah, I think I’m going to look for Kyungsoo. I don’t think he’s even started unpacking yet.”

“Alright, then. See you later.”

“See ya.” The doors to the elevators close and it’s just the two of them again. Jongdae sighs. “Baekhyun, snap out of it. We have to find our dorms and this bag is heavy.”

“I know where it is,” Baekhyun says finally. He turns the opposite way Jongdae was about to go and walks. “The numbers are weird for the 210-220 numbers. We’re in a little corner on the east end.”

Jongdae blinks and follows Baekhyun past 205 into a small area where their room is, just as Baekhyun had described it. He shakes his head. “This is crazy. You really are from the future.”

“Yeah, I am.” Baekhyun watches as Jongdae puts down his bags and slips the key inside to turn it.

“So... who do I end up with, then?”

Baekhyun manages a smile as they shuffle inside. “Now you’re wondering?”

“Well, yeah.” Jongdae whistles when he sees the dorm room. “It’s even smaller than it looked like in the photos.”

“I know, right? Oh, I took the bed on the left but then I switched because I got cold being near the vent so... take left for me?”

Jongdae shakes his head. “Alright, fine.” He puts his bags on his bed and sits down, sighing. “Finally, we made it.”

“How does it feel to be in college?” Baekhyun teases. Then he gags. “Ew, I’m actually, like, eight years older than you.”

“Please don’t. And it’s so weird. Maybe not as weird as your situation but... actually, it’s weird how you aren’t excited. I know you shouldn’t be since you already came here, but...”

“Yeah. If it makes you feel any better, I was jumping on the bed the first time we did this.”

“Typical Baekhyun.” Jongdae laughs. Then his expression turns serious. “I’m sorry you had to experience... death.”

“Me, too,” Baekhyun says. There’s a moment of silence.

Then Jongdae clears his throat. “Well, at least we know Kyungsoo really exists.”

Baekhyun nods.

“What’s bothering you?” Jongdae asks.

“Nothing.”

“You’re terrible at lying.”

Baekhyun sighs, and flops down on his back. “I’m kind of worried. What if I meet Kyungsoo and we don’t end up together?”

Jongdae hums. “It is a possibility. But I wouldn’t worry too much. You guys were going to get married, right?”

Baekhyun flushes. “Maybe, if I hadn’t died before I got to ask.”

“I’m sure he would have said yes. I don’t know anyone who could resist you.” Jongdae’s voice is teasing, but there’s something there that makes Baekhyun think he’s sad. “It actually really... it feels weird. That you already did all this and that... you’re already dead. Not here, I guess. But there.”

Baekhyun hums and sits up again. “My angel dude... Xiumin. He didn’t mention what would happen to Kyungsoo in my original world when I get reincarnated.”

Jongdae nods. “My guess is that life still goes on for him. He’s probably stuck there. I mean, when someone dies here we have to live with it.”

“You’re right...” Baekhyun shivers. “I hate to think about how he is right now, honestly. I just kind of want to avoid it. Just... I don’t know. This is my chance to meet Kyungsoo again but... somehow it feels different. I’m worried about _my_ Kyungsoo.”

Jongdae nods. “Yeah, that’s understandable. But... I don’t know. You haven’t told me anything about him. Still, I’m guessing he has people he can rely on. I’m there, probably. I’m sure I wouldn’t just leave my best friend’s to-be fiancé alone.”

“Yeah...” Baekhyun smiles. “You’re right. You wouldn’t. You care too much about Kyungsoo to do that.” The memories behind that statement are fond. “And besides, you aren’t the type to just leave people to struggle alone. I trust you.”

“I trust you, too.”

They both sit there, thinking. After a long moment, Baekhyun interrupts the silence. “By the way... you’re engaged to Chanyeol.”

“WHAT?”

***

Yixing bites his lip, scratching the side of his head. He’s sitting in Xiumin’s seat, waiting for him to come back, turning the occasional circle and tapping his fingers on his lap. He's kind of nervous, but at the same time not. He's sure Xiumin knows. If he didn't... Well, Xiumin is new, so that also wouldn't be too much of a surprise.

Someone clears their throat and Yixing stops mid-spin. He stands up. "Xiumin hyung."

"Just Xiumin is okay, I'm new so it's kind of weird." Xiumin tilts his head. "Why are you sitting at my desk?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something," Yixing says. He looks around. "Can you come with me?"

"Why am I getting déjà vu?" Xiumin mutters, then nods. "Okay, sure. Where are we going?"

"Just outside. You don't have any work to do, right?"

"No... my link is doing okay, so I'm just on watch duty."

"Okay." Yixing holds open the door for Xiumin. Once he's through he says, "I'm sure you're aware of the situation."

Xiumin's face doesn't betray an expression. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"So you don't know that your link doubled the universe?"

Xiumin blinks. "Uh. No, I didn't know that."

Yixing frowns. "What _do_ you know?"

Xiumin gives in and explains the situation. "Look... I know it's bad, but it's how it is. I want my link to be happy. This is what he wants."

Yixing nods. "I can respect that. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone." He pauses. "But you need to tell him to be careful. He told my link. If it wasn't me, I don't want to think about what could have happened to you or Junmyeon or them."

"He told Jongdae?"

"Yes. They're friends, so..."

Xiumin shakes his head. "He shouldn't be telling anyone... that should go without saying."

"He trusts Jongdae the most."

"Still." Xiumin stops. "Wait. What do you mean, 'my link doubled the universe?'"

"It's complicated," Yixing says. "The humans don't know. Different versions of them exist in both universes. Only Baekhyun is aware of both, and now Jongdae. But we watch over our humans no matter where they exist. In other words... the other angels are aware that there are two realities... one in the past, and one in the present."

Xiumin swallows. "That's..."

"...dangerous," Yixing finishes. He nods. "If they find out the cause, things will be bad. For now, it's difficult to find the root. But they will find out eventually."

Xiumin closes his eyes. "There doesn't happen to be anything we can do, right?"

"No, but if we link the two worlds together, there is a way to merge them to one."

Xiumin opens his eyes again, and his eyes spark with recognition. "That's what Junmyeon wants to do."

"Yes. It should happen as soon as possible. At the latest... before Luhan does his yearly check ups." Luhan. At the name, Xiumin stands on edge.

"You're right. If he finds out..."

Both of them fall silent. Finally, Yixing says, "it sounds like Junmyeon knows what he's doing. I wouldn't worry too much. I was just making sure you knew."

"I'm glad you did." Xiumin rubs at his eyes. "Thanks, Yixing."

Yixing smiles. It's kind. "Of course. If you need help, don't be afraid to reach out. I want the same thing you do."

Xiumin feels exhausted all of a sudden. He stops rubbing his eyes and says, "and what's that?" 

Yixing's gaze is steady. "I just want my human to be happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I love Universe and it actually perfectly describes this AU, be ready to have a lot of Universe quotes for the opening authors notes... be very prepared. Until next time :)


	5. Causing damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: suicidal elements. If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, I encourage you to get help. You don't have to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I can't breathe,  
> indulged in our memories, faced with this deep feeling of being lost,  
> my beliefs collapse...  
> Even if I try to hold on, you hurt me... You keep making it hurt.  
> It's all your fault and the damage has grown to the point that we can't go back"

Kyungsoo doesn’t feel anything anymore. 

He walks to the casket silently, stands there mind empty. Vaguely he registers Jongdae and Chanyeol beside him, Chanyeol with tears sliding down his face and Jongdae with his expression carefully controlled. 

But Kyungsoo can only look at Baekhyun numbly. He should feel sad. Instead, he feels nothing.

Baekhyun lays in the casket peacefully. His eyes are closed. He’s in a suit, his hair is done. Kyungsoo wishes it weren’t like this. He wishes Baekhyun was dressed in normal clothes, that they hadn't put makeup on him. Everything looks fake. Baekhyun looks like a doll. Kyungsoo half expects Baekhyun to appear anytime and laugh that laugh of his, smile and tell kyungsoo everything was a joke.

Well, of course that would never happen.

Kyungsoo doesn't say anything to Baekhyun. He wouldn't hear him, or answer. _Pointless._ Let the dead stay dead. Today, they bury him.

When his time is up with the body, Kyungsoo turns and walks back to his seat to wait out the rest of the service. He doesn't pay attention to the speeches. He thinks of nothing. No one mentions how Kyungsoo, the writer, the one who supposedly loved Baekhyun, refused to say a speech for him. No one mentions how he doesn't react to anything, how he hasn't shed a tear since he saw Baekhyun. No one mentions anything.

When it's over, Kyungsoo stands and greets people, smiles and accepts condolences. When he sees Baekhyun's parents, he talks to them and says everything they expected him to say: _It’s hard, it’ll be easier, it’s so painful._ They’re all lies. Kyungsoo feels empty.

And then it’s time for them to bring the body to the cemetery. Jongdae chose a beautiful place: a marble building in the middle of a field of flowers, where Baekhyun gets his own slot beside others. Kyungsoo has the urge to throw up. Everyone says their last goodbyes, and then that’s it. It’s over. Baekhyun is gone.

“Kyungsoo, we can take you home,” Baekhyun’s parents say. Kyungsoo's parents couldn't make it to the service. They look concerned. Kyungsoo thought his expression was controlled the whole time. Maybe he was wrong.

"I'll be fine," Kyungsoo says. "I'm okay." Before they can protest, Kyungsoo smiles, tells them goodbye, and takes his leave. It's time.

Home. It's so foreign to him, now. It feels more like solitary confinement. Quiet and lonely. Kyungsoo wants to escape. 

His phone rings when he gets to the door. He ignores it. When it rings again, he rejects the call. Jongdae. 

"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo says to Jongdae's name. And then he turns the cellphone off and goes inside.

***

Jongdae doesn't think much of it until later. It's a mistake he'll come to regret.

When Kyungsoo doesn't call back at six, Chanyeol starts to say that something must be wrong. 

"He wouldn't leave a call unanswered for that long..."

Now that Chanyeol is mentioning it, Jongdae realizes he's right. Kyungsoo is too meticulous to do that. All of a sudden he starts to imagine the worst. "We need to go check on him," Jongdae says. Chanyeol agrees. They get into the car and drive.

Jongdae steadies his heartbeat as best as he can while he drives, rubbing his thumb on the steering wheel to try and keep calm. Everything is making him feel jittery. Baekhyun's burial. Kyungsoo's silence.

Something is wrong.

That feeling becomes stronger as they park in front of Kyungsoo and Baekhyun's apartment, and Jongdae finds himself rushing up the flights of stairs, Chanyeol at his heels. When he gets to their door, Jongdae knocks twice, rings the doorbell, gets no answer, then pulls the spare key from his pocket with fumbling hands, opening the door.

"Kyungsoo?" Jongdae and Chanyeol look around, but there's no reply. 

And then they hear a crash, and freeze. The bedroom. Chanyeol is the first to react. He runs down the hallway and finds the door to the bedroom locked. Jongdae's voice is shaking. "Chanyeol..."

He makes a decision. Taking a few steps back, Chanyeol breathes out and throws his entire weight on the door, over and over until it gives. Instantly the two of them rush in, and they see it, and Chanyeol collapses on the ground. 

"No... no, no, no."

Kyungsoo is on the ground. He isn't moving.

Immediately, Jongdae feels the adrenaline rush through him. His brain goes on autopilot. Jongdae runs over and checks Kyungsoo's pulse--it's erratic. His breathing is slow and shallow, and his lips are a sickly purple hue.

"Kyungsoo, can you hear me?" Jongdae pulls out his phone and turns on the flashlight, sees that Kyungsoo’s pupils are contracted. "Call 911,” Jongdae barks at Chanyeol, who is still frozen on the ground. When there's no response, Jongdae yells, " _Chanyeol!_ ”

Chanyeol jumps and fumbles with his phone. His voice is shaking. Jongdae wants to comfort him, to tell him it will be okay. He hates to see Chanyeol like this. But his biggest priority right now is Kyungsoo.

“My friend is collapsed on the ground...”

Jongdae tries to rouse Kyungsoo by digging his knuckles into his sternum. When there is no response, he checks his pulse again.

Nothing.

“His pulse stopped,” Jongdae says. Chanyeol relays that to the operator, and Jongdae checks Kyungsoo’s airways. When it’s clear there’s nothing there, he sits up and starts CPR.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god...” it’s a mantra in the background, Chanyeol is rocking back and forth. “Please tell me he’s going to be okay...”

Jongdae looks to the nightstand, sees the bottle of pills Kyungsoo had carefully closed and placed in front of the lamp. Of course. It’s an overdose. He grits his teeth and doesn’t respond to Chanyeol—he’s too busy counting the compressions and helping Kyungsoo breathe. 

An overdose. All Jongdae can do is wait for the first responders. He doesn’t have the Naloxone they need to combat the drugs in Kyungsoo’s system... It’s overwhelming, the fear. For the first time since he left college, Jongdae feels helpless.

It’s another ten minutes before the first responders arrive, and Jongdae’s arms feel like they’re going to fall off by the time they do. He tells them what he knows and they take over, and then Chanyeol and Jongdae are in their car, following behind the ambulance.

The drive there is quiet. Neither Chanyeol nor Jongdae says anything, each lost in their thoughts. What if...

“Will he be okay?” Chanyeol asks. The words are heavy in his mouth. He doesn’t have the energy for emotion anymore. But he looks over at Jongdae, whose eyes are set purposefully on the road, and his gaze is pleading. At first, Jongdae doesn’t respond.

The thing is, Jongdae is used to telling the truth. In his line of work, lying can be dangerous. But this time is different. This time, it’s Chanyeol. So, this time, he says: “he’ll be okay.”

Chanyeol trusts him. It makes Jongdae’s chest ache. The truth is, he isn’t sure. Anything could happen. They’re lucky they found him. Whether it was early enough, Jongdae doesn’t know.

“Don’t worry,” Jongdae says. He moves a hand off the steering wheel and places it on Chanyeol’s leg, squeezes in silent comfort. “It’s going to be okay.”

A moment passes before Chanyeol grabs his hand. The cool metal of their engagement ring touches his skin, and Jongdae suddenly feels the urge to stop the car, to collapse in Chanyeol’s arms and give up all the hurt he’s been feeling since Baekhyun’s death. At night, he cries alone. Silently, hoping Chanyeol can’t hear. But now he craves the comfort of a lie. _It will be okay. Everything will be okay._

And the thing is, he knows if he asks for it Chanyeol would give it to him, unconditionally. All the patience and comfort in the world. All the words in the world. The problem is whether or not Jongdae would believe them.

Chanyeol grasps Jongdae’s hand, and Jongdae can feel the tremors there. He looks at the flashing lights of the ambulance, thinks about Kyungsoo.

Maybe Jongdae will never believe words like that. Maybe none of them ever will.

He runs his thumb over Chanyeol’s fingers, breathes.

“Everything will be okay,” he says.

Chanyeol musters the energy to smile and nods, ignoring the lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a note, I am by no means a doctor nor have I received first aid training of any kind. Please take the medical drama with a grain of salt and I'm sorry to any actual health professional for this chapter.
> 
> Other than that... I’m so glad people are enjoying this story. I love reading everyone’s reactions and getting to interact with you all. Thank you for reading <3
> 
> Oh! Last thing. I almost forgot. When Kyungsoo sees Baekhyun’s body, I know it’s crude for him to talk about Baekhyun like he’s just a corpse... but that’s his coping mechanism: disassociation. He’s separating himself from the situation to try and stay stable. Just as Jongdae and Chanyeol and everyone have different ways of reacting to tragedy, Kyungsoo reacts in this way here. It may not be healthy, but it's how I feel he would act.


	6. Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things they forgot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “At the end it was me, but I already left you far behind.”

_In Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s bedroom, the pills sit on the night stand. It’s misleading, the way they’re placed. The cap is on tight, the bottle is upright._ Shh, _it says._ I have a secret...

_The bed is made. The closet is empty. Everything is perfectly in its place, clean with no promise of return._

_Beside the bed, a package sits untouched. On it, a name scrawled in almost child-like lettering:_ Doh Kyungsoo.

_No one comes to pick it up. No one comes to open it._

_For a moment, there is the sound of bells._

Answer, answer.

_The universe seems to hold its breath. And then it stops._

_Just as suddenly as it was disturbed, the room quiets and falls back to its perfect slumber._


	7. That’s okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo meets his angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “A sense of numbness in a multitude of emotions  
> How to hide your familiar mind from some point in time  
> I’m not sure where you’re coming from  
> I don’t know why I’m scared to turn around”

Junmyeon sits beside the bed, waiting for his link to wake up. Doh Kyungsoo. Birth date: January 12, 1993. Death date—

“Where am I?” Kyungsoo sits up, tugging on the sheets. He’s disoriented, looking around the white room until his eyes finally land on Junmyeon. Grey wings settle against the white, and Kyungsoo backs into the headboard. “You aren’t real.”

Junmyeon examines him. His human. What a rare moment, to be able to see him face to face. It’s only when he’s dead that he gets this opportunity. Or when he’s almost dead.

“Where’s Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo asks. His voice his shaking. “If you’re real, where is he? He should be here. I want to see him.”

Junmyeon doesn’t react to the question at first. He just retracts his wings and leans back. “If that was your goal in taking your life, then I’m sad to say it was all a waste.”

“You’re awful,” Kyungsoo says. He brings his arms around himself, and suddenly he looks so small. “Even my imagination is awful. I can’t even dream in peace.”

“I’m sorry.” It’s automatic. He watches Kyungsoo’s expression, but it doesn’t change with the words. “This isn’t a dream. You almost died.”

“Almost.”

“You’ll be going back.”

“And I don’t have a choice.”

“No, you don’t.” Junmyeon looks away from Kyungsoo to the wall. “But I’m giving you an option. Baekhyun is alive. You can see him, but only if he succeeds.”

Kyungsoo brings his knees to his chest. “He’s dead. I know he’s dead. You can’t lie to me.”

“When you wake up, open the package. You can help him. He needs you.”

“He’s _dead._ ”

“It’s your choice. You can help him, or you can leave him. People are depending on him to succeed. Even people here.”

“What are you?”

Junmyeon smiles gently. He knows he doesn’t have time anymore. And it’s not like it matters if he says anything—no matter what, Kyungsoo will always forget who he is come his next reincarnation. It’s a truth Junmyeon has come to accept.

He says, “don’t tell anyone about this, or about the package.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Good night, Doh Kyungsoo. Good luck.”

And he falls.

***

“I’m just really upset.”

“I know you are. That’s okay.”

“I can’t believe he’d actually—“

“Kyungsoo.” Jongdae interrupts Chanyeol before he can say any more the moment he notices that Kyungsoo is awake.

“Jongdae... Chanyeol...” Everything is blurry. “Where am I...?”

“Kyungsoo, you idiot.” Chanyeol looks like he’s about to cry, and Kyungsoo sits up. He feels dizzy, but seeing Chanyeol’s expression sobers him. He’s in the hospital. He’s alive.

The moment he realizes this, he remembers everything. “Please don’t cry—“

“I’m not crying, I’m mad. What the hell is wrong with you? I know it’s hard but... how could you do that to us? You... you should have just said you weren’t okay. We were here all this time.” He looks like he wants to say more, but then he stops. “When they discharge you, you’re coming to live with us.”

“Chanyeol...”

“I mean it.” The tone of his voice stops Kyungsoo before he can say no. “We’re driving you home with us whether you like it or not.”

Kyungsoo looks down at his hands. After a moment, he nods. “Okay,” he says softly.

“Good. Now eat. We saved some food for you. You must be starving.” Chanyeol brings the table over and opens up the containers, forcing a spoon into Kyungsoo’s hand. Kyungsoo’s expression softens, and he pauses before he starts to eat.

“I’m sorry,” he says. Chanyeol looks up and hugs him.

“You scared us, you idiot.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” All of the hurt has left his body. Now all Kyungsoo feels is exhausted. “What... what happened?”

“You overdosed on your medication,” Jongdae says behind Chanyeol. His arms are crossed. “We found you in your room... you almost died.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I hope you know Baekhyun wouldn’t want that. I really hope you know.” Jongdae is shaking. He was scared before. Now, seeing Kyungsoo alive and okay, he’s just angry.

“I...”

Jongdae shakes his head. “Forget it. You know now.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond. When Chanyeol lets go, he avoids their gaze. “He wasn’t even there,” he says.

“What?”

“Never mind.” Kyungsoo doesn’t feel like eating, but he brings the mashed potatoes to his mouth anyway. “Don’t worry... this won’t happen again, I promise.”

Jongdae looks at him, and Kyungsoo knows he isn’t imagining the doubt in his expression. Still, all Jongdae says is: “okay.”

Kyungsoo swallows the mashed potatoes. They’re flavorless—it makes him nauseous. It’s stupid, but he feels like this is the only way he can apologize: by eating this food and attempting to get better.

While he eats, he thinks about his dream. The dark-haired angel’s voice echoes in his mind. _Baekhyun is alive..._

Kyungsoo feels that pressure behind his eyes and pauses, trying to force it back. It’s cruel. The lie is cruel. His dreams are cruel, always Baekhyun, holding him, a lie. 

He feels Chanyeol put his arms around him again. Jongdae looks away. There’s a moments pause, a shuddering breath. And then Chanyeol whispers, “it’s okay,” and Kyungsoo buries his face against his shirt and cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, there were a lot of places this chapter could have gone. A lot of different POVs and developments, but in the end I settled with Kyungsoo. In the future if I feel like it should have gone another way I’ll replace the chapter and edit back, but for now here it is :)
> 
> Time to post this before I lose service lol I’m sorry it’s shorter! And also kind of still sad I did want to lighten the mood this chapter but Kyungsoo really wanted to pop up earlier haha
> 
> As always, thanks for reading. Btw, Kyungsoo’s solo “That’s okay” is literally the mood of him in this fic and I just want to hug him :(


	8. Lucky one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I want to say is that Jongdae is amazed by technology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Swerving on an unfamiliar road as if I know it  
> I’m passing our parallel lines  
> In the same time, the moment we become one  
> We’ll be the lucky ones"

Kyungsoo bites his lip, package in hand. On it, in neat lettering, is a name: _Byun Baekhyun._

“Um... Chanyeol, I’m going to go out for a bit, okay?”

Chanyeol looks up from where he’s lounging on his bed and nods. “Where to?”

Kyungsoo looks on the label for the room number. “Room 210?”

“Oh, that package isn’t for you?”

“No. I don’t know why it ended up in front of our room.”

Chanyeol hums. “Probably mixed up the numbers since we’re 201.” He pauses. “Oh, yeah. Room 210 is near ours. I heard rooms 210 to 220 are weirdly placed.”

“Okay, so... which way?”

“To the right.” Chanyeol leans up on one elbow. “Want me to come with?”

“No, it’s okay. I’m trying to be more independent, remember?”

“Right. Helicopter parents and all that jazz.” Chanyeol shakes his head. “I’m proud of you, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo laughs. “Thanks, Chanyeol.” He slips on his shoes, checks to make sure he has the keys to his dorm room in his pocket, then leaves.

Instantly, Kyungsoo is confused. Chanyeol said right, but... at the end of the hall all he can see is a vending machine half-covered by a wall. Unsure now, Kyungsoo walks hesitantly towards it.

“Hey... are you lost?” A boy walks up behind him, startling him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. You just looked confused.”

“I am confused,” Kyungsoo admits. “Where’s room 210?”

“Hm. Why?”

“A package ended up in front of my room and it says it’s for room 210 instead, so...”

“Oh, I was just asking because…” The boy holds up his keys. Etched into the metal are the numbers to his room: 210. “What are the odds? I was actually going back now. It’s kind of in a weird place...”

“Yeah, my roommate told me to go this way, but it’s a dead end.”

“That’s what I thought at first, too. But if you turn left behind the wall there’s another hallway. That’s where the rest of the rooms are.”

“Oh.” Kyungsoo nods. “Well... good to know, I guess?” He reads the name again. “So you’re… ‘Byun Baekhyun?’”

“That’s my roommate, actually. I’m Jongdae.”

“Well, either way. Here, for you.” Kyungsoo hands Jongdae the package and Jongdae smiles. Kyungsoo thinks it might be the brightest smile he’s ever seen.

“So... what’s your name?”

“Oh. Sorry. I’m Kyungsoo.” At the sound of his name, Jongdae’s eyes widen. “What?”

Jongdae catches himself. “Oh, no, we just met your roommate earlier... Chanyeol? He talked about you a lot.”

Kyungsoo flushes. “Whatever you heard, I can assure you it isn’t true.”

“Intriguing,” Jongdae says, “but he didn’t say anything bad. Just that you skipped a grade and you disappeared after you guys got here.”

“Oh.” Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to say.

“You should come with me.” Jongdae holds up the package. “Meet the guy whose stuff you saved.”

Kyungsoo thinks about it for a moment. He thinks he probably met his daily limit for social bravery, but then again he _was_ trying to get better. Still... 

His phone buzzes, and he takes a moment to look at it. There’s his answer.

“Sorry, I’d love to, but I can’t.” Kyungsoo gives an apologetic smile. “Say hello to your roommate for Chanyeol and I, though.”

“Aw.” Jongdae nods. “Alright. Well. See you around?”

“Yeah, see you.” Kyungsoo watches Jongdae turn before he opens his messages.

_Jongin: hey, babe  
Miss you :(_

_Kyungsoo: I was in your room this morning._

_Jongin: yeah but i still miss you. want to come over again_

_Kyungsoo: I’m tired._

_Jongin: please? I don’t get why you always make things so difficult. I just want to see you_

_Kyungsoo: Jongin…_

There’s no reply, and Kyungsoo gives in.

_Kyungsoo: I’ll be there in a few._

_Jongin: I love you <3_

_Kyungsoo: Love you, too._

Kyungsoo texts Chanyeol to let him know he won’t be coming back until later and leaves.

***

“Kyungsoo says hey,” is the first thing Jongdae says when he opens the door. Baekhyun stands.

“You saw Kyungsoo?”

Jongdae laughs at his expression and says, “Here. He ended up with a package that was supposed to go to you and I saw him confused about where our room was.” Jongdae hands the box over to Baekhyun and shakes his head. “Honestly, I’m in shock.”

Baekhyun turns the box over in his hands. There’s no return address, or sender’s name. “Why?”

“Because. Are you sure Kyungsoo is the one?”

“I’m pretty sure I would know my own boyfriend.”

“Okay, but... no offense or anything, but he was like. Really cute. As in, adorable teddy-bear cute. As in, cute, and not your type at all.”

Baekhyun mimics Jongdae’s voice: “‘And here I thought you were straight.’”

“Hey, that’s not what I sound like,” Jongdae whines. 

“Whatever. My point still stands.”

“Okay, maybe I don’t know your type, then.” Jongdae sighs and flops on the bed. He watches Baekhyun struggle to pull the tape off and stretches to reach the key ring on his desk, tossing it to Baekhyun.

“Thanks,” Baekhyun says, and slides the key through the tape.

“Who’s it from?” Jongdae asks.

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun opens it and blinks. “It’s a phone.”

“What?” Jongdae gets up and goes over. “...what kind of phone is that?”

“An older model. Or... actually. If it’s 2010 right now, then... a future model?”

“Wow. The future is looking good.”

“Who has access to something like this? This has to be from... 2016, or something.”

“The real question is why they would send it to you.” Jongdae plucks it from his hands and examines it. He presses a button. Nothing happens. “How does this thing even work?”

“Here.” Baekhyun takes it and holds the power button, and it starts booting up.

“Woah...”

“Let’s see what’s on here,” Baekhyun says. There’s no passcode, so he gets in and looks through it. No apps, except the most basic ones. Nothing special.

“Check the contacts,” Jongdae suggests. “Wait... there. I think there’s something.” He reaches over and clicks on one of the few apps on the screen, the one with a red dot in the corner. When it responds, opening, Jongdae claps.

“You’re ridiculous,” Baekhyun says, but he watches as Notes pops up. “It’s a message.”

When they read it, the reaction is immediate.

“What is this, ‘Sleeping Beauty?’”

“This is from my angel dude??”

_Baekhyun. I won’t waste any time. When I sent you back, it divided this universe into two... the past, and the present. Once higher ups get notified of this, myself and others involved will be punished... I won’t get into the details, because I don’t want to even think about that option._

_There’s a way to bring the two universes together... one link that connects the two; that’s you. When the feelings that link your universes together meet, it’ll all fall into place. This may seem strange, but kissing Kyungsoo is the most sure way of bridging the gap between the worlds._

_Right now, Kyungsoo is mourning your death. This phone is a way that you can reach him. Use it and do your best. Once a year our superior checks on the state of our work... it’s always a random time, but you should have at least two months if not more. If he finds out, you’ll be reincarnated without question and that will be it._

_Good luck. Also, don’t tell anymore people, you idiot._

_Sincerely,  
Xiumin_

“Ouch. He called you an idiot,” Jongdae says.

Baekhyun stares at the message. “I don’t get it. If all I have to do is kiss Kyungsoo, why can’t I just tell him and do it?”

“Okay, well. Here are the reasons: One, he won’t believe you. Two, harassment is a crime. Three... they said feelings. He has to have feelings for you, I think, and right now he doesn’t even know who you are.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun frowns. “You’re right.”

“I know. But what did it mean, this phone is the way to reach him? Is it a way to cross universes, or something?”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“Let’s look through the phone more. Maybe we’ll find something.”

“Maybe. But there isn’t anything else on here. Unless you need a calculator. Or to count your steps.”

“Phones in the future do that?? Baekhyun. You’re so lucky you got to live that time.”

“You’ll live it eventually,” Baekhyun says dismissively. “Focus.”

“On what? Like you said, there isn’t much to do on this thing except read how you have to Cinderella kiss Kyungsoo.”

“Sleeping Beauty.”

“That’s what I said.”

Baekhyun swipes through one last time before frowning. “I wish they’d just be straight forward about... wait.” He clicks on contacts. “ _That’s_ what it meant.”

“You can call him on this?”

“Maybe. I mean...” they look at Kyungsoo’s name on the screen. “He’s the only contact this phone has.”

“Try it.”

“Yeah.” Baekhyun clicks on the name, then clicks on the call button. He turns on speakerphone.

It rings. 

...no one answers.

Jongdae sits back. “Well, that was anticlimactic.”

“This has to be it, though.”

“Maybe future Kyungsoo is just busy.” 

“Maybe.”

They both fall silent and stare at the phone. After contemplating, Baekhyun presses the button again. For a second time, it rings. Again, no one answers.

“Try again later,” Jongdae suggests, and Baekhyun sighs. 

“Yeah, I will. I’ll just turn on the ringer so I know if he calls.”

“You think he will?”

“I don’t know. We’ll see, I guess? I’ll call him every hour or something.”

Jongdae whistles. “If that’s not harassment, I don’t know what is.”

“Shut up, this is different.”

“Whatever you say, Baekhyun~” Jongdae laughs when Baekhyun smacks him on the shoulder. Then he sobers. "Hopefully this actually works like we think it does."

"Yeah," Baekhyun says. It could be a game changer. He could talk to Kyungsoo again... the Kyungsoo he was forced to leave behind. "Hopefully it does."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a couple a things. One, when I wrote this, I didn't have access to the internet so I couldn't actually check what phone models were out in 2010... so maybe Jongdae's reaction was a little exaggerated, but I just thought it was adorable so I had trouble getting the motivation to change it xd
> 
> Two, the phone plot point is inspired by a webtoon I remember reading a whiiiiile back... but I couldn't find it on my favorites list so I don't know the name of it anymore :((
> 
> ANYWAY okay there was a three but nvm I'm just not going to tag Kaisoo xd woo lol


	9. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo gathers his belongings and goes with Chanyeol and Jongdae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Even if we can’t find the edge of this universe,  
> it’s strange, because I can feel you  
> no matter where you are  
> let me hold you.  
> Just like this, let’s be forever."

Kyungsoo takes the clothes off the hangers and folds them, placing them neatly into his backpack. Once he’s triple-checked that he has everything he needs, Kyungsoo zips it up, throws it over his shoulder, and goes into the living room. “I’m done,” he says. Chanyeol and Jongdae stop their conversation where they sit on the couch and Chanyeol squints at the bag judgingly.

“That’s all you’re bringing?” 

Jongdae nudges Chanyeol in the side. “Let him take whatever he wants,” he chides. Then Jongdae stands. “If you’re all packed, we can go now.”

“Okay.” Chanyeol gets up too and they file out into the hallway. Kyungsoo is locking the door when he pauses.

“...I forgot something,” he says, but the way he says it makes it sound like he hadn’t forgotten it at all. He goes back inside and returns a couple moments later with a box. Jongdae doesn’t let his eyes linger, but he knows what it is. The package from Baekhyun. 

“Time to walk ten years down the stairs,” Chanyeol says enthusiastically, and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. 

“It’s not that bad.”

Jongdae does a couple of lunges and turns back at Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. “You should always stretch before a workout,” he says sternly, and they laugh. It’s an almost unfamiliar sound, but Jongdae is relieved.

“You guys are ridiculous.” Kyungsoo adjusts the bag on his back and starts walking towards the stairs. Chanyeol strides to catch up.

“Do you want me to hold the box for you?” he asks, reaching out. Kyungsoo quickly pulls away, and Chanyeol blinks.

“No, it’s fine,” Kyungsoo says. He clears his throat. “Thanks, but I’m good.”

“Okay…” Chanyeol looks behind him to give Jongdae a questioning gaze, and Jongdae shakes his head and shrugs.

They make it to the car and Kyungsoo sits in the backseat with his stuff, holding the box in his lap carefully. It isn’t a long drive to Chanyeol and Jongdae’s place, and the ride there is a familiar one. Kyungsoo knows the way like the back of his hand. Still, it feels wrong. He’s moving there… he’ll be sleeping there. Not in the room he used to share with Baekhyun, but in a completely different, unfamiliar space. Somehow, that fact makes him feel more alone than ever.

Chanyeol and Jongdae show Kyungsoo his bedroom and Kyungsoo unpacks what little he brought. A couple of different outfits, undergarments, his phone and laptop. That’s all. The room is empty other than that.

Kyungsoo places the package beside the bed on the desk there, then lays down and takes off his glasses, closing his eyes. He feels exhausted. Maybe he’ll take a nap, wake up in time to help with dinner. For a while, he lays there trying to fall asleep. Right as he’s drifting off, a sound pulls him out of the haze.

The box is ringing.

Kyungsoo startles and stares at it. Inside, something is rattling. Tentatively, Kyungsoo sits up, puts on his glasses, and brings the package to his lap.

He should open it. It’s been long overdue.

Mind made up, Kyungsoo carefully peels off the tape and pulls out a phone. It’s small, an older model with an actual keyboard built into its case. _In coming call: Byun Baekhyun._

At the sight of his boyfriend’s name, Kyungsoo feels his heart begin to thud in his chest. It couldn’t be.

With shaking fingers, Kyungsoo accepts the call.

“Hello?” he says. When he hears the voice on the other end he stops breathing.

“Kyungsoo?”

Baekhyun. Kyungsoo swallows hard, but he can’t stop his eyes from watering, can’t stop his chest from constricting. 

The voice on the other end sounds confused at the lack of response. “Hello?”

“I’m going crazy,” Kyungsoo mutters. “I’m actually going crazy.”

“Kyungsoo, it’s you, isn’t it? I can’t believe this actually works. I… I’ve missed you so much.”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo spats suddenly. “This… I don’t know who you are, but you’re sick.”

“What?”

Kyungsoo’s voice drips with sarcasm. “How hilarious, his little boyfriend died, let’s fuck with him because it’s fun.”

“Kyungsoo, no--”

“Just leave me alone, you sick fuck.” Kyungsoo hangs up and drops the phone in his lap, shaking. He’s going crazy. He’s going crazy, or someone actually sent him this package with Baekhyun’s handwriting and Baekhyun’s voice just to mess with him.

A knock startles him; it’s Jongdae. When Jongdae sees how Kyungsoo is curled in on himself, the package emptied beside him, he steps in and closes the door, moving to sit beside him. “What’s wrong?” No response. “Uh… Chanyeol went out to buy dinner.”

“I could have cooked,” is somehow the first response that comes out of Kyungsoo’s mouth. Jongdae laughs softly.

“You’re a guest here.”

_I’m a burden._

“But really…” Jongdae frowns. “What happened?”

Wordlessly, Kyungsoo picks up the phone that dropped between his legs and passes it over. Jongdae blinks.

“This was what Baekhyun sent you?”

“It wasn’t Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says. “It’s just someone trying to mess with me.”

Jongdae’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Someone called and…” Kyungsoo trails off. Jongdae would think he was crazy. Even _Kyungsoo_ thinks he’s crazy.

Jongdae opens the phone and jumps when it starts ringing again in his hands. His eyes widen at the words on the screen. “Incoming call from…?”

“Don’t pick up.” Kyungsoo grabs the phone and declines the call. “It’s just an asshole playing a prank.”

It rings again. Kyungsoo moves to decline and Jongdae takes it. “I’ll humor this guy just once,” he says, and picks up. “Hello?”

“...Jongdae?”

“No way… it’s me from the future?”

Jongdae almost chokes at the sound of his own voice. “Who the hell is this?”

“Jongdae. I know it’s crazy, please don’t hang up.”

“Are you sure you should be telling him? ...Me? It said not to tell anyone...”

“You’re the same person, it’s fine.” And Baekhyun relays to Jongdae everything: the angel, the universes, what’s at stake. “I need your help. We can fix everything. You need to convince Kyungsoo to help…”

“To help with what?” Kyungsoo asks. Jongdae had turned on speakerphone, and Kyungsoo had been silently listening to Baekhyun’s story.

Jongdae turns to him, surprised. “You don’t really--”

“It’s crazy,” Kyungsoo agrees. “But before I woke up after… before I woke up in the hospital, I had a dream, like this person is saying.”

“I’m Baekhyun,” the voice at the other end says. “Please believe me. I don’t know if I can do this alone.”

Jongdae glances at Kyungsoo. He can’t read his expression. “Why don’t you just play it out like you did the first time around? You ended up with Kyungsoo by doing that.”

“Yeah, but… things are different this time.”

“Different?”

The other Jongdae elaborates: “This timeline is slightly different. We’ve already done things differently, like come to the dorms later.”

“Jongdae met Kyungsoo earlier, before I did. And we met Chanyeol the moment we got into the building. I don’t know, I don’t want things to be up to chance. We need all the help we can get.”

Kyungsoo speaks up, his voice laced with doubt. “Okay, say we believe you. How could we even help? We’re in a different timeline, remember?”

“Information,” Baekhyun says. “I don’t know. I know you more than I know myself but… you changed a lot since back then. To be honest, I’ve no idea what I did to deserve you. In my head it just kind of happened somehow.”

“You want us to fill in for your terrible memory,” Jongdae says in summary. Baekhyun hums in agreement. For a moment, everyone is quiet. Then Jongdae, to himself: “Two people can’t be hallucinating.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo agrees quietly. “I guess not.”

Kyungsoo tries to hold on to the doubt, because he really doesn’t want to believe this if it isn’t real. But it’s impossible. They’re already convinced.

Giving in, Jongdae glares at the phone. “I really missed you, you bastard.”

“I know. I missed you, too. I’m sorry it had to be this way.” Pause: “did they catch the asshole who killed me?”

“He didn’t even try to escape. He was too drunk.” Kyungsoo breathes out. “I hate him. I hate you, too.”

“I love you.”

“Shut up.” Kyungsoo feels the tears threatening to spill over, and suddenly he’s whining. “It’s really hard without you, Baekhyun.”

“I know, baby, I know. I’m sorry. We’ll see each other again, after this is over. Okay?”

“If you’re lying to me...” Kyungsoo leaves the threat to hang in the air, with no real bite.

“It isn’t a lie,” Baekhyun answers. His voice is soothing. “I promise we’ll see each other again.”

 _Don’t promise things you have no control over,_ Kyungsoo wants to say, but he can’t. He clings desperately to Baekhyun’s words like a lifeline. One glance at Jongdae beside him tells him he’s thinking the same thing.

Outside, they hear the sound of an engine shutting off and a car door closing. Chanyeol is home.

“We need to go.” Jongdae glances out the window. “Chanyeol is back.”

“Where are you guys?”

“Our house. Kyungsoo is staying with us now.”

“That’s good,” Baekhyun says. He’s quiet. “Then… I’ll call again. Or you guys can call, when you get the chance.”

Jongdae nods. “We will. Please stay safe.”

Baekhyun laughs. “I’m in college, Jongdae. I’ll be fine.”

“Just be careful,” Jongdae snaps, and Baekhyun clears his throat.

“Right, okay. I will. Take care of yourselves. Jongdae, thanks for taking care of Kyungsoo. I love ya. And Kyungsoo…” Kyungsoo doesn’t respond, so Baekhyun continues. “Knowing you, you’re probably taking this hard… it sounds like it, too. I love you. I’m okay. Please take care of yourself. That goes for you too Jongdae. I love you both. I’ll talk to you guys later.”

The call ends and Jongdae and Kyungsoo sit in silence. After a moment, Kyungsoo leans over and hugs Jongdae, hard. “We’re going insane.”

“Yeah.” Jongdae’s voice is soft. He can feel the tears pricking at his eyes. He grasps Kyungsoo’s shirt. “I don’t know why I believe this.”

“I don’t know why, either.”

And Chanyeol finds them like that, holding each other, crying. Without another word he comes over, and for the first time since Baekhyun’s death, the three of them mourn together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta say, the amount of EXO songs that so perfectly encompass themes in this fic amaze me. Even songs I didn't know the meaning to all somehow point back to some major element of this story. (And no, I'm not talking about themes that exist in every fic like love and stuff. I mean "universe" as a theme, "time" as a theme, "other things I can't mention because spoilers" as a theme)
> 
> Thank you all for your comments! Reading your reactions and all of the speculation that's going on is really fun haha  
> Also I noticed that my grammar and punctuation are kind of thrown out the window for these end notes. Like, are the notes and the chapters even written by the same person xd
> 
> Until tomorrow :)
> 
> (Also sorry for the late post I just came home!! Yays)


	10. Peter Pan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo and Baekhyun meet, and Baekhyun realizes things will be harder than he thought...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You make my heart pound  
> Just like how you softly  
> Smiled with your eyes back then  
> If only you can fly into the  
> Opened window of my heart"

“Hey, it’s time to get up.” Baekhyun feels Jongdae prod his cheek and he groans.

“Why?”

“For breakfast. Come on, it’s Greeting Day.”

Greeting Day. Baekhyun half-opens his eyes and gets up. He hadn’t realized Greeting Day was going to happen so soon. It was a day for dorming students to socialize, and it was the day he met Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. Baekhyun feels a slight surge of anxiety… for some reason, he’s nervous.

He brushes his teeth and changes while Jongdae waits, and then they make their way to the dining hall. When they get their food and look for a place to sit, they find Chanyeol at a table sitting alone, looking at his phone worriedly. It’s an unfamiliar situation; the first time around, Baekhyun had met Chanyeol during one of the Greeting Day games.

“Mind if we sit here?” Jongdae asks. Chanyeol nods. “What are you looking at?”

Chanyeol bites his lip. “Kyungsoo didn’t come back to the room last night. I’m just worried and he isn’t answering my calls or texts.” Then he laughs, embarrassed. “I mean, he’s old enough to make his own decisions and stuff… It’s just he normally lets me know if he’s planning on doing anything unusual. He doesn’t like straying off schedule and he doesn’t like breaking the rules either…”

“He doesn’t seem like the type to,” Jongdae agrees. “Maybe you should talk to the RA.”

“I don’t know… I don’t want him to get in trouble.”

“Why would he get in trouble?”

Chanyeol shakes his head. He puts down his phone and shovels food into his mouth. Seconds pass before he says, “he might have stayed with his boyfriend.”

Jongdae chokes on his orange juice, coughing. He glances at Baekhyun, who doesn’t look surprised at all. “He has a boyfriend?”

“Yeah. He’s the reason why Kyungsoo wasn’t there when we got here… he was with him.” Chanyeol’s eyes widen. “Oh, shoot. Kyungsoo is going to kill me. Don’t tell him I told you.”

“Why, because he’s gay? Baekhyun’s bi and I’m gay too so it’s whatever.”

“Way to expose me,” Baekhyun jokes. He moves the eggs around his plate, thinking.

“Oh.” Chanyeol’s cheeks turn red. “Still, Kyungsoo doesn’t like to talk about his boyfriend that much so…”

Baekhyun nods. “Got it, we won’t mention him. Don’t worry.” He takes a sip of his juice, ignoring Jongdae’s questioning gaze.

Baekhyun had actually forgotten about Jongin, Kyungsoo’s ex before he met Baekhyun. He was such an insignificant part of their relationship that it just slipped through his memory. But this time is going to be different--Baekhyun already has the sinking feeling this will cause problems. After all, the first time he’d met Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo had already broken up with Jongin… 

Chanyeol’s eyes light up suddenly, and he waves. “Kyungsoo!” 

The voice Baekhyun hears in response is simultaneously familiar and foreign. “Hey, Chanyeol. Oh, Jongdae.”

Baekhyun avoids looking at Kyungsoo’s eyes as he sits down beside Chanyeol and across from him. He’s talking to Jongdae, and his voice isn’t the deep, confident one he knows. It’s his voice from a long time ago, that Baekhyun almost forgot. Shy, a bit uncertain. It’s just as endearing as it was back then, but at the same time strange.

When Baekhyun and Kyungsoo meet eyes, Baekhyun feels a pang in his stomach. There’s no recognition there. But that smile is the same, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes are the same. “Hi,” Kyungsoo says shyly, and Baekhyun swallows.

“Hi,” he answers. 

“I didn’t know you guys already met,” Chanyeol says to Jongdae and Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo turns. “Yeah, it was when I went to return the package. Speaking of... I’m assuming you’re Byun Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun blinks at the sound of his name coming from Kyungsoo. For a moment he doesn’t answer, and then he realizes he really should. “Yep, I am he. Nice to meet you.” He grins, social prowess returning. “You’re just as cute as Jongdae said you were.”

“Oh, uh.” Kyungsoo blushes, and Chanyeol gives Baekhyun a curious look. That’s when Baekhyun remembers that Kyungsoo is dating someone this time around.

“I’m apologizing on Baekhyun’s behalf because he has a habit of speaking without thinking,” Jongdae says in a robotic voice, as if he’s said it a million times before. He laughs when Baekhyun hits him on the shoulder and he sees the red in his ears.

Suddenly, Chanyeol jumps. “Oh yeah, Kyungsoo, why were you ignoring your texts and also where were you last night?”

“Talk about a late reaction,” Jongdae jokes. Chanyeol pouts.

“It’s because it’s Kyungsoo so when I saw him I forgot I was worried.”

“Sorry, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo cuts some of his pancakes with his fork. “I just fell asleep and my phone died. I didn’t have my charger, so.”

No one misses how Kyungsoo avoids saying where he was. But no one mentions it, either.

“Next time come back early,” Chanyeol chides and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

“What are you, my mother?”

“I’m better,” Chanyeol declares. “Anyway, if you don’t come back early, I'm just going to assume you’ve been murdered and call the police.”

“Okay, whatever you say, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo sighs, then pushes up his glasses. Baekhyun tries to contain his desire to gush over the thick frames (current Kyungsoo has thin frames that make him look hot but not as adorable as these do.) When Kyungsoo catches him staring, Baekhyun smiles and Kyungsoo blushes again. “So… Greeting Day?”

Jongdae nods. “I read about it… you pretty much play a bunch of icebreaker stuff with other people in the dorm. I’m kind of excited.”

“It sounds like fun,” Chanyeol agrees. “I’m really glad they have it here. It’s especially good for Kyungsoo…”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m just saying that you aren’t the most sociable of the bunch.”

“Hey, I talked to Jongdae on my own.”

“He did,” Jongdae agrees helpfully. Chanyeol shrugs.

“Well, I guess it’s good you’re working on it.”

Unsatisfied, Kyungsoo puffs out his cheeks and glares at Chanyeol. Baekhyun almost says _adorable_ out loud.

The four of them talk and eat, and then it’s time to go. It’s so strange how comfortable they are already--Baekhyun feels like it’s almost the same dynamic they have eight years later, joking around and poking fun. He keeps having to remind himself that this timeline is different; he can’t throw his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and he has to hold back on the teasing. Even Chanyeol comments on how comfortable everyone is already as they make their way out onto the field for Greeting Day. 

“I think this is the fastest Kyungsoo and I’ve made friends,” he mentions, and Jongdae hums.

“Honestly, Baekhyun is another breed of extrovert so I couldn’t agree on his behalf but… same.”

Baekhyun squints at Jongdae. “Are you trying to ostracize me?” He scooches closer to Kyungsoo, pouting. “I think Chanyeol and Jongdae have something against us.”

Kyungsoo glares at the two in question with exaggerated suspicion and nods. “First Chanyeol says I’m antisocial, now Jongdae says you’re _too_ social.”

“I didn’t call you antisocial,” Chanyeol protests.

“I’m just telling the truth,” Jongdae shrugs.

“I want to swap friends,” Baekhyun whines, and Kyungsoo laughs.

“Well, at least being social is a good thing.”

“Not when everyone else is bonding over being antisocial.”

“...don’t tell me you called all three of us antisocial just now.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

They joke around some more until it’s time for the games to start, and Baekhyun and Chanyeol get into Game Mode. “Time to win,” Chanyeol says, and Baekhyun fist bumps him, getting into position for the water balloon toss.

“They’re taking this way too seriously.” Jongdae shakes his head. Kyungsoo nods.

“Partners?”

“Sounds good.”

In the end, Chanyeol and Baekhyun make it to third place, but only because their water balloon was so big it exploded when Baekhyun tried to catch it. “That was so disappointing,” Baekhyun says, shaking his head.

“We were so close…”

“You have the next game to win.” Kyungsoo’s smile is amused. Jongdae sighs.

“Thank god I have a partner in uncompetitiveness.”

“He’s tricking you; he’s competitive in every other game except that one,” Baekhyun warns. An upperclassman blows a whistle for the next game, and Baekhyun feels someone tap his shoulder before he can partner up with Chanyeol again.

At the same time, Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow as his eyes focus on someone coming behind Baekhyun. Baekhyun feels his heart drop--it’s Jongin.

He wants to see what’s happening, but the girl who tapped his shoulder is asking to be his partner. Not wanting to be rude, Baekhyun smiles and agrees. He looks over his shoulder before he joins her and her friends, but when he looks back to where Kyungsoo and Jongin were standing, he sees only Chanyeol and Jongdae, frowning. Jongin is gone. Worse, Kyungsoo is nowhere to be seen, either.

Baekhyun tries to push down his unease and returns his attention to the starting game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So get used to me apologizing haha because oh boy this is a rough one. It didn't turn out the way I'd hoped, but honestly I'm hella sleep deprived and SUPER STRESSO. I can't guarantee anything for the next three days (tomorrow because I'm practicing driving and cleaning the house, Monday because it's my drivers test which I am prepared to fail lmao, and Tuesday because when I fail I'm going to need a good 24 hours to mourn.)
> 
> Ah, the joys of learning how to drive late. Guys, drivers anxiety is a real thing and it manifests in me. Wish me the utmost luck and courage because oho boy will I need it. Again, I'm so sorry about this chapter! I was going to take a nap and return to it to rewrite but I couldn't fall asleep for some reason idk. And sorry for the next few chapters (if they come out in the next couple of days.) Ily guys thank you for your patience and support <333


	11. Peter Pan (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "While the clock’s springs were turning  
> How much did you change  
> I turned the last page  
> That is written about you  
> But I have no courage to read it  
> I will erase the sad words  
> Our story is not over  
> Because we will meet again"

All Kyungsoo feels is dread. 

Jongin is holding onto his wrist, dragging him back to the dorms, silent. It’s terrifying, this anticipation, how his mood flipped the moment they were out of Chanyeol and Jongdae’s sights. He feels a lump in his throat; he wants to cry. 

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo says. Jongin doesn’t answer. They’ve reached Jongin’s building now, and he’s taking Kyungsoo inside to his dorm room. Kyungsoo’s voice is pleading. “Jongin…”

His boyfriend reaches over and locks the door, and Kyungsoo finds himself apologizing. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I did to upset you but--”

“Really? You don’t even know?” Jongin looks at him and he shrinks in on himself, looking away. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

Kyungsoo blinks back tears and looks up. Jongin shakes his head.

“You said you were going to Chanyeol.”

“I was. I did. I ate breakfast with him and some friends.”

“Friends?”

Kyungsoo flinches at the tone of his voice. Jongin’s eyes don’t leave his. “J-Jongdae and Baekhyun. They’re a couple rooms down from ours.”

“So you ate with them even though you told me you were just looking for Chanyeol.”

Kyungsoo swallows. So that’s what this was about? “I’m sorry, I just found him in the dining hall with them so I decided to join them…”

“I can’t believe you would lie to me,” Jongin acuses.

“I didn’t, I--”

“See, this is your problem. You’re always talking. You don’t listen to me. I let you go this morning and this is what you do. How can I trust you when you’re like this? Who were those guys with you and Chanyeol on the field?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “That was Jongdae and Baekhyun. But I promise they’re just friends. You have nothing to worry about, I promise.”

“I have nothing to worry about? What the hell was that guy doing clinging to you back there?”

Kyungsoo tries to remember, but he can’t. Jongin takes his silence as an invitation to continue.

“You’re constantly taking me for granted,” he says. “You know I’m insecure because of my past relationships, but you’re still doing all this and making things worse. How can I trust you like this? You’re just going to end up like all the others.”

With that last sentence Jongin’s voice becomes small, and Kyungsoo reaches up. “Jongin... I would never cheat on you.”

“But that guy…”

“Who? Jongdae? Baekhyun? Neither of them touched me. It’s okay.”

“That doesn’t mean anything!” Jongin’s voice is suddenly louder, angrier, and Kyungsoo flinches. His hands are shaking where they touch the back of Jongin’s neck. “It’s about you. I saw his eyes; he was looking at you like he was flirting. And you didn’t tell him to back off.”

Instantly, involuntarily, Kyungsoo’s mind goes to Baekhyun’s face. His chest constricts, he feels the confusion seep into his thoughts. No, he wasn’t doing anything wrong… he was just talking to Baekhyun. He would never cheat on Jongin. He didn’t do anything wrong. But the way Jongin is reacting makes his stomach churn with guilt. He shouldn’t have let Baekhyun talk to him like that. Jongin was right. And he shouldn’t have been so friendly either. It wasn’t fair to his boyfriend. “You’re right. I didn’t think that he was flirting. I’m sorry, Jongin. I’ll be more careful from now on.”

He does his best to steady his hands as Jongin examines him. Then Jongin leans his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, and Kyungsoo can breathe again. “You know I'm saying these things because I love you, right?” Jongin asks quietly. 

Kyungsoo lets out a slow breath, closes his eyes. The tears that had gathered there from earlier slide down his cheeks, but he isn’t crying anymore. He feels the weight of relief and nods. “I know. I love you, too.”

When the words leave his lips, Jongin tightens his arms around him.

Kyungsoo lets Jongin lead him to his bed. He lets Jongin kiss him, lets him trail his lips from Kyungsoo’s down to his jaw, to his neck, lower, lower. He grasps the back of Jongin’s head, closing his eyes. Remnants of discomfort and regret churn in his stomach, but he doesn’t think about it. He doesn’t think to say _stop._

A long time ago, maybe. But he’s working on himself. He’s independent. His parents aren’t here to tell him what to do anymore… he’s different now. He won’t let himself be pushed around. He won’t shy away from things normal people do. 

He tells himself the anxiety isn’t normal. He’ll work on that, too.

_Come on, Kyungsoo. This is what people do when they’re dating. I love you. Don’t you love me?_

Jongin. “I love you.”

His hands settle on Kyungsoo’s thighs, and Kyungsoo stops thinking. 

Luckily, it doesn’t take much thought for Kyungsoo to breathe, “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to write a formal apology to all Kaisoo shippers and also to Kai. I love that boy okay I’m sorry it had to be this way he wouldn’t hurt a fly ;-;


	12. My turn to cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet Jongin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I still love you so much, I miss you  
> Please be happy in that place  
> I'm missing you"

Baekhyun didn’t think he would ever have to meet Kyungsoo’s ex, and yet there he is, sitting across the table from him, eating dinner.

Everyone is uncomfortable. Jongdae, Chanyeol. Even Kyungsoo seems to quiet in the presence of his boyfriend, and it’s all Baekhyun can do to not stand up and yell _what the hell do you see in this guy?!_

The air is awkward. Baekhyun has no idea why Kyungsoo invited them to eat dinner with him and Jongin, but it was a terrible idea and Baekhyun is the embodiment of regret.

“So,” Jongin starts conversationally, casually. Baekhyun almost gags at how fake it seems. “What are you guys majoring in?”

Baekhyun meets his eyes. Somehow he sees a flare of challenge… is he imagining it? Whatever; he feels it too. “Business,” Baekhyun answers coolly. “You?”

“Fine arts. I dance competitively.”

“Mhm.” The non-committal sound escapes his lips involuntarily, and Jongdae looks at him with a masked look of alarm.

“That’s really cool,” Jongdae jumps in. “I’ve always wanted to dance. The closest Baekhyun and I’ve been to the fine arts is choir in high school.” He grins at the memory. “You know we won the talent show our senior year?”

“Really?” Kyungsoo brightens. “I used to do choir too. I actually did regional choir and a bunch of other stuff…”

Chanyeol nods. “He’s really good. When I write music I want him to be a part of the vocals--they’re just so smooth.”

At this, Jongdae tilts his head. “You write music?”

“Yep. I’m a music composition major.”

“Similar likes attract similar people,” Baekhyun says. He turns to Kyungsoo. “Just wondering… if you like choir so much, why--uh. Are you going to join choir?”

This was a question Baekhyun had always wondered about Kyungsoo, but every time he asked Kyungsoo always dodged the question. Kyungsoo loved singing, and yet he didn’t join choir until his senior year in college. Baekhyun never got why.

Baekhyun examines Kyungsoo’s face as he digests the question. He’s avoiding his gaze. “Um…”

“He’s too busy,” Jongin answers for him. “He’s a double major.”

 _Bullshit,_ Baekhyun thinks. Yeah, he was a double major. But Kyungsoo always knew how to separate his time so he could do everything he wanted to do. He never let “busy” stop him.

“How interesting, _Kyungsoo,_ ” Baekhyun says pointedly. Underneath the table, he feels Jongdae step on his foot in warning. Jongin’s eyes narrow. Baekhyun backs off. “What are your majors?”

Again, Jongin answers. “English and mathematics.”

“Why those two?”

“He likes wri--”

“Can you stop talking for him?” Baekhyun finally snaps.

“Baekhyun…” Jongdae says under his breath.

“He doesn’t really do well in social situations, so I’m just helping him. Isn’t that right, Kyungsoo?”

“Condescending asshole,” Baekhyun mutters. Jongdae coughs loudly to cover his voice.

“Well,” Jongin says, leaning back. His arm is around Kyungsoo, and it’s pissing Baekhyun off. “If Kyungsoo wants to answer, he can.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I’m okay just listening…” 

Chanyeol looks at him. “Kyungsoo… it’s getting late. Maybe we should go back to the dorms.”

It’s a long shot. Everyone knows it isn’t late; Chanyeol is just offering him a way out. 

Of course Kyungsoo doesn’t take it. Jongin says, “we haven’t finished eating. And besides, I’m curious about Kyungsoo’s new… friends.”

Kyungsoo tries to smile. “He’s been really excited to meet you guys.”

“Any friend of Kyungsoo’s is a friend of mine.” Jongin turns and presses a kiss to Kyungsoo’s lips and Baekhyun looks away, bringing food to his mouth. He finds it makes him want to throw up and puts the fork back down. “Jongdae, you never mentioned your major.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m a pre-med student, so I get the fear of being too busy for extra curriculars.” Jongdae gives Kyungsoo a kind smile, which Kyungsoo returns, albeit a bit hesitantly. “Still, I think it’s worth a shot if you really like to sing. If it gets to be too much, you could always quit.”

Kyungsoo nods. “Yeah… I think maybe you’re right. I’ll consider it, then.”

“Good,” Baekhyun says. “You should always do what you want to do.”

When he meets Kyungsoo’s eyes, he sees the beginning of tears there and blinks, alarmed. “Oh, I’m sorry--”

“No, it’s fine. Sorry. It’s just… I’m not used to it.”

 _Not used to what?_ Baekhyun wants to ask. Jongin pinches Kyungsoo’s cheeks. “What a big baby,” he jokes, but no one laughs.

“I’m actually not that hungry,” Chanyeol says suddenly. “I think I want to go back to our room. You coming, Kyungsoo?”

“No, I’m going to hang out with Jongin for a bit but… I’ll see you later?”

“Alright.” Chanyeol nods reluctantly and turns to Jongdae and Baekhyun in question.

“Yeah, I don’t really feel like eating either,” Baekhyun agrees. He stands, and Jongdae follows suit. “Bye, Kyungsoo.” He can’t help it. He waits a long beat before adding, “Jongin,” and the satisfaction he gets from that petty move is way too gratifying to be healthy. He smiles at Kyungsoo and the three of them throw out their food and leave.

Once they’re out of sight Baekhyun says, “what an asshole.”

“He is kind of… much,” Chanyeol admits. “Honestly, I’ve never seen him react like that. Jongin, I mean. Normally he’s… friendly?”

“I can’t imagine that,” Jongdae says. “Sorry, but he seems like a terrible influence on Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol bites his lip in thought. “Doesn’t it seem like…like he has something against Baekhyun? Sorry,” he adds.

“Well, I don’t like him either. I don’t like how he talks to Kyungsoo.”

“It’s never been this bad,” Chanyeol says. “All I’ve ever noticed is that sometimes he makes fun of the fact that Kyungsoo is shy. And sometimes he brings up touchy subjects but I always thought that was just him being tactless.”

“Has Kyungsoo ever talked about anything being less than perfect with Jongin?” Jongdae asks.

“No… he doesn’t talk about him much except to say he’s going to see him.”

Baekhyun doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand how Kyungsoo got into a relationship with such a dick. He doesn’t understand why he never talked to Jongin before this. He doesn’t understand why suddenly Jongin is this huge problem he wasn’t the first time.

Chanyeol parts ways with the two of them at his dorm room and Baekhyun and Jongdae walk back in silence. When they get to their room, Baekhyun picks up the phone he left under his pillow. Jongdae and Baekhyun sit on his bed, waiting for Kyungsoo to pick up.

“Baekhyun.”

“Hey…” Baekhyun softens automatically at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. The tension leaves his body. “How are you?”

“I’m better. I keep thinking I’m crazy but when I see the phone it kind of reminds me I’m not.”

“You’re not,” Baekhyun confirms.

“What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… your voice sounds weird.”

Baekhyun laughs. The sound is strained. “Kyungsoo… why didn’t you tell me about Jongin?”

There’s no reply for a long moment. Then: “I told you about him.”

“You only told me he was your ex and that you guys stopped dating before we met.”

“Yeah.”

“So why are you dating him in this timeline?”

“...what?”

Baekhyun tells Kyungsoo about the dinner, and how much of a douche his ex is. “I don’t get it at all,” Baekhyun says. “He’s terrible. He kept talking for you and acting all patronizing.”

Kyungsoo speaks slowly. “Well… he did tend to be like that.”

“But why are you dating him this time around? I thought you broke up with him.”

Jongdae gets up to brush his teeth. Kyungsoo still doesn’t answer. After a while he says, “I didn’t tell you everything.”

“Okay…”

“Jongin and I… got into a fight before I met you. Like, right before. He came to find me on Greeting Day and started yelling at me about Chanyeol, and he thought I was cheating on him with Chanyeol and I guess that was where I drew the line. He kept saying stuff about him so I told him I needed a break and walked away. After that I met you and… I never ended the break, so…”

Baekhyun can’t speak for a moment. “You didn’t actually break up with him?”

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says. “Please don’t be mad. I didn’t know what to do back then. If I could do it all over again I would have just ended it there but that wasn’t me. I always avoided things that made me anxious. One of those things was Jongin.”

“Okay.” Baekhyun takes a deep breath. “Okay. So while we were flirting… you were still in a relationship with Jongin?”

“No, it wasn’t like that. We were on a break.”

“A break that you never ended.”

“I… yeah. But I basically treated it like a break up. He tried to talk to me but the more I talked to you I realized he wasn’t good for me. At one point I told him it was over. It was later, but it still happened.”

Baekhyun doesn’t say anything.

“...Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun closes his eyes and nods to no one. “Okay, it’s fine. But you should have told me this before. I wouldn’t have been mad. It makes things worse that you didn’t tell me.”

Kyungsoo lets out a relieved breath. “Yeah. I’m sorry, you’re right.”

“So what else aren’t you telling me about Jongin?”

“What?”

“Kyungsoo… it hurts that you won’t be honest with me.”

“...I don’t get what you mean.”

“You’re still trying to ignore it?” Baekhyun clenches his hand, trying to calm down. “Jongin. He… he doesn’t treat you right.”

Kyungsoo’s voice is measured, controlled. “He didn’t,” he agrees.

“Is he abusive?”

Pause. “...he never hit me. He never hurt me. He was more on the emotional side of abuse.”

Baekhyun remembers Chanyeol’s words. _Kyungsoo didn’t come back to the room last night... he might have stayed with his boyfriend._ “He didn’t make you do things, did he?”

Kyungsoo is silent. When it’s clear he isn’t going to say anything, Baekhyun swallows, hard.

“That’s not just emotional abuse,” he says. “That’s--”

“I never said no,” Kyungsoo interrupts. “It was partially my fault that I didn’t make it clear.”

“How the _fuck_ is that your fault?” Baekhyun can’t help it; he’s raising his voice. 

“You’re upset.”

“Of course I’m upset. Someone forced you to have sex with them. And you’ve dealt with that alone. And you didn’t tell anyone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” Kyungsoo is getting upset now, too. “Yeah, it happened. It happened a long time ago. I stopped thinking about it. You were there, and everything was better, and I never had to think about Jongin. Now you’re gone and I’m getting yelled at for dealing with it the way I’d been taught. I can’t change what happened.”

The emotion in Kyungsoo’s voice stops Baekhyun’s anger in its tracks and Baekhyun calms his voice. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. I didn’t mean to make it seem like I’m blaming you. It’s just… you seemed so cautious of him. And I can’t do anything about it.”

“It’s okay, Baekhyun. But… about past me. Jongin was really jealous back then… anything could have happened during out argument on Greeting Day. If you’re saying he saw you and Jongdae with me this time around, that could be what changed things.”

“...what do you mean?”

“I mean that what originally happened was that he was jealous of Chanyeol, and that’s what made me stop seeing him. This time around, he could be jealous of you or Jongdae, and… it wasn’t enough for me to snap out of the relationship.”

“Oh.” _Doesn’t it seem like he has something against Baekhyun?_ “He’s jealous of me.”

“Probably,” Kyungsoo agrees. “If that’s the case, it’s going to be harder this time around for you. The only reason why I got away from Jongin was because I made the decision that day to separate myself from him and you guys were there to support me. But the order is all messed up. If Jongin is jealous, he’ll do everything he can to keep me from thinking I need anyone else.”

“What do I do?” Baekhyun feels helpless.

“You can’t do much except be as supportive as you can. If you push, it’ll just make me uncomfortable. And if you push around Jongin, he’ll start using you against me.”

Baekhyun runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck.”

“It’ll be okay,” Kyungsoo soothes. “I believe in you.”

Baekhyun closes his eyes, letting the words wash over him. “Kyungsoo, I really miss you.”

“But I’m there, silly.”

“It’s hard because you don’t know me. But I miss you more.”

Kyungsoo laughs. “I feel stupid for saying it, but I was getting jealous of myself, so that’s kind of a relief to hear.” Then, his voice serious: “I miss you, too. A lot. Every day.”

Baekhyun hears the shower turn on in the bathroom, and he realizes Jongdae was giving them privacy. What did he do to deserve him? “I really want you here. You know I had to watch Jongin kiss you? It’s messing with my head.”

“I’m sorry you have to go through this, Baek.” The familiarity of the nickname makes Baekhyun want to cry, suddenly. He forgot how much he missed the life before he died. The pain in his chest is unbelievable. It’s like he’s mourning for something he lost.

Softly, Kyungsoo starts humming into the phone, and Baekhyun starts to cry in earnest. It hurt to die. It was scary. It hurt to meet Kyungsoo and have him not know him, and he misses Kyungsoo so, so much. “It’s okay, Baek. It’s going to be okay.”

He doesn’t understand a lot of things. Mostly, he doesn’t understand how despite everything, Kyungsoo can be the stronger one out of the two of them, when Baekhyun needs it the most, even when he should be the one breaking down. He doesn’t understand it, but he loves Kyungsoo even more for it.

It’s a long time before Baekhyun is calm again. But eventually the shower turns off in the bathroom, eventually Baekhyun quiets. Eventually Kyungsoo says goodnight.

“We’ll be okay,” Kyungsoo promises.

Baekhyun can only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update! I in fact failed my test... but that was kind of to be expected under the circumstances. I'm doing my best not to do what I usually do which is shut down haha. I pushed through to finish this chapter! Here's to hoping it (the chapters, the driving, etc.) get better in the near future ;-;
> 
> Love you guys <33
> 
> (if I read this tomorrow and I hate it I might delete it and rewrite it)


	13. For Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Every night and every day  
> No matter what may come our way  
> We're in this thing together"

Kyungsoo dreams of him.

At first, it starts romantic. Flowers, late-night phone calls, passion unlike anything he’s ever experienced. It’s the perfect love--everything he could have dreamed of and more. He’s tall and handsome, a gentleman, listens when Kyungsoo talks, and consoles him when things go wrong.

But then something changes. Suddenly, he’s angry--Kyungsoo doesn’t know what he did, but he’s in the bathroom, crying, willing it to stop. 

Jongin smiles at him, and Kyungsoo feels his body go cold.

“Wake up.”

And, in two different timelines, Kyungsoo does.

***

He wakes up hot.

The blanket on top of him is smothering. Beside him, someone sleeps with their arms encasing him tightly, and Kyungsoo wants to throw their arms aside so he can breathe. Instead, he opens his eyes and turns to see Jongin watching him, a light smile on his face.

“Hey, baby. Good morning.”

“‘Morning,” Kyungsoo answers. He yawns and stretches, effectively convincing Jongin to move a bit and make room. “What time is it?”

“Eight.”

“ _Eight?_ ” Kyungsoo’s eyes widen. He has his first class at nine… he has to get ready. “I need to get back to my dorm room,” he says, beginning to get up. Jongin grabs his wrist and tugs.

“Just stay here. You have an hour. You can borrow my clothes and I’ll walk you there.”

“But I want to take a shower.”

“There’s a shower here.”

“...I promised Chanyeol I’d go with him.”

Instantly, Jongin’s expression sours. “I’m sure he’d be fine with it if he met you in class.”

“Jongin…”

“Kyungsoo…”

Kyungsoo gives in when he sees Jongin’s expression. “Okay, let me text him. I’ll stay here until it’s time to go to class.”

Jongin beams and pulls Kyungsoo back into his arms. “By the way…”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want you to talk to Baekhyun from here on out.”

Kyungsoo turns to look at him. “What? Why?”

“He makes me feel uncomfortable.”

“He’s my friend, Jongin. That’s it. And he lives a couple of rooms down. I don’t think I can just stop talking to him.”

“Well, you don’t talk to the people who live right next to you.”

“I have…”

“Can’t you just do this one thing for me? He makes me feel uncomfortable. How is that hard to understand?”

Kyungsoo bites his lip, then hesitantly says, “...does everyone I talk to make you feel uncomfortable?”

At that, Jongin’s eyes flash, and Kyungsoo realizes he’s overstepped. Quickly he says, “I’ll do my best. If he makes you feel uncomfortable, then I’ll do my best not to talk to him. Okay?”

Instantly, Jongin’s expression softens, and he nods. “Okay. Thank you, baby.” He leans in close and kisses Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo can’t help but melt into the embrace. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Jongin.”

***

When Kyungsoo wakes up, he’s alone. 

It’s cold. Outside, he watches snowflakes fall from the sky, gently settling on the tree in front of the window. He closes his eyes again and breathes, trying to forget the image of Jongin’s smile, Jongin’s voice.

He’d said it so many times. _I love you._ And each time Kyungsoo had believed it, had said it back believing it. 

How naive.

Kyungsoo turns over and reaches for the phone beside the bed, bringing it close. Every day he thinks he’s crazy. And yet, he still goes back for it, over and over, still hopelessly believing in this magic. Maybe he was just programmed to believe in things fruitlessly.

Kyungsoo opens the phone and dials the only number there.

After a couple of rings, Baekhyun’s voice answers, groggy and half-awake. “Hello?”

Kyungsoo closes his eyes, letting the sound warm him. “Hey, Baek.”

“Hey, Soo.” Kyungsoo hears rustling on the other end--Baekhyun is turning over. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Everything’s okay.”

“This is a nice wake up surprise,” Baekhyun says. Kyungsoo can hear the smile in his voice. “Normally it’s me calling first.”

Kyungsoo makes a sound of agreement, pulling the covers over his head. “Can I do this more?”

“Do what?”

“I want to call you a lot. I’ve wanted to call you a lot.”

“Of course you can. Is that even an actual question?”

Kyungsoo feels the tears prick at the corner of his eyes. Somehow, Baekhyun knows to ask: “what’s wrong?”

“I had a nightmare,” Kyungsoo says.

“Oh, baby. What about? Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know.” But he does, he realizes once he’s said it. He’s wanted to tell Baekhyun about these dreams for the longest time, but every time he's convinced himself not to. After all, over the years they were very few and far between. In fact, after a year of not dreaming about Jongin, Kyungsoo thought it was over… until today. “It was Jongin,” he confesses. Baekhyun makes a sound of acknowledgement, letting Kyungsoo know he can continue.

“I never told you this, but I really did love him. I know it doesn’t make any sense. He was abusive and cruel and terrible. But I really thought I loved him. He made me love him.” Kyungsoo lowers the blanket, takes a breath of the cold air. “I dreamt about him a lot when I left him. I guess he was just there to always haunt me or something. He wouldn’t leave me alone. Sometimes he said a lot of things… made me question us. I thought I was finally done with him, but now… now he’s back.”

“What is he saying?” Baekhyun asks softly.

“That...that he loves me.” Kyungsoo swallows and laughs a little. “It’s ridiculous. That I believed it. That I somehow still sort of believe it now. He just got into my head back then. He said it all the time… it was like a promise to me, I guess. No one ever said things like that to me. I thought he was everything.”

“I’m sorry… I never realized you were dealing with this all this time, Soo.”

“No, I never told you. I wish I had.”

“You’re telling me now.”

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo blinks up at the ceiling, reaches up a hand and then brings it back down. “I love you, Baekhyun.”

“I love you, too.”

“But it’s different than when I said it to Jongin. This is different. With him, it was almost a necessity. I loved him out of necessity. But with you it’s… I don’t know. It just feels real. I love you so much, Baekhyun. I never knew things could be so good until I met you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Baekhyun laughs into the phone and says, “I’m glad. I love you more than you know, Soo. I’ll save us. Don’t worry.”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, even though Baekhyun can’t see him; it’s just automatic. “So says the guy who was having a nervous breakdown about it last night…”

“Hey, I’d say it was called for.”

Kyungsoo hums in agreement and yawns. 

“Sleepy?”

“Yeah… I didn’t really sleep much last night.”

“Mkay. Then let’s hang up, and you can go back to sleep. I need to get ready for class anyway… first official day of college! Wish me luck!”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at the joke, but laughs regardless. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I know. Talk to you later, Soo.”

“Good luck, Baek.”

When the line disconnects, Kyungsoo curls up with the blankets pulled over his shoulders. It’s warmer, now, he thinks. He closes his eyes and dreams of Baekhyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So. Yeah it's going to be tough for the next few days to update... I'm super busy ;-;
> 
> If I do update it'll most likely be Baeksoo fluff because AH my sudden need for fluff is starting to bleed into this AU smh
> 
> Anywayyyy thank you guys for your patience and support D;
> 
> (Also I keep forgetting to say this, but in this fic Kai is one year older than Kyungsoo and the same age as Baek, Chen, and Chanyeol. And as a reminder Kyungsoo skipped a grade so it makes sense I swear)
> 
> Okay until next time <333


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